Saturday, January 7, 2012

Say the Word: Abusive Relationships

Relationships are messing and difficult because there are no standards for what is right and what is wrong.  When does it stop being love and become control? This is a question I repeatedly asked myself for the duration of my three year relationship. Let me tell you. If you question that you may be in an unhealthy relationship then you are.

You should NEVER have to question real love.

I count myself lucky in that I was not in a physically abusive relationship but the fact that it wasn't made it difficult to see how wrong it really was. "He didn't hit me. That means he's not abusing me. Right?" Completely and utterly wrong. Sometimes we forget to mention that abuse can also be emotional.

If someone makes you feel bad about yourself or feel like you need to stay with them because you are lucky that they are even with a person like you. Then you need to run away, fast.

Looking back I ask myself why the hell did I stay so long! There were so many classic signs of abuse: putting you down, separating you from your family and friends, controlling every single minor detail of your life down to how you spend your money and where you go. I knew in my heart that this was wrong, so very very wrong.

Here's what I think the problem was. Everyone say what was going on: my friends, my family, my teachers, hell even his family! And while they all were sympathetic to me not one person ever said the word. No one said you are being abused.

You are in an ABUSIVE relationship. 

I think just anyone saying that out loud would have changed so much. They said it after the fact but no one wanted to "hurt my feelings." But screw my feelings at that point they were already being hurt, ran over with a semi truck.

So I beg you if you see someone in a relationship that you know is wrong please say something. Please say the word, abusive. They may not want to hear it. They may get angry at you. They'll probably deny it but you will plant the seed and justify what they are thinking.

If you think you maybe in an abusive relationship please run away as fast as you can. I'd love to help you get through it because I've been there. Just email me at

Sorry for getting on my soap box but it's something that needed to be said and I hope maybe this can help someone out there.

As Always, Keep it Classy



  1. This is so powerful and I give you a thousand rounds of applause for addressing the issue that no one wants to talk about. I myself was in a horribly physically abusive relationship. It was pure hell and there were nights I honest to god didn't think I would live to see the next morning by his hand. The sad thing? I saw all the warning signs of emotional abuse. I remember sitting at the doctors office and there was a poster on the wall that said "Is your relationship emotionally abusive?" and I could relate to EVERY SINGLE example it gave. But I couldn't bring myself to admit that it was truly "abusive" since he never laid a hand on me. Well, that day came sooner rather than later, and I went through the entire thing alone. Two years of that, and it's been a year since I walked away from that relationship, and I STILL haven't told anyone. Because I feel like its just not something anyone wants to talk about. So again, I applaud you for speaking up on the issue. And I'm so so happy that you left an abusive relationship before it turned physical! You are an inspiration. Keep blogging. <3 @laurabeanybean

  2. Laura,
    Your comment has brought me to tears. I can't imagine the pain you went through but I am so proud of you for making it through and leaving. You are stronger now than most women ever have to be.
    But TALKING ABOUT IT is the key to ending it. We shouldn't have to be afraid to admit that we are being abused.
    Your story makes everything more worthwhile. Thank you for sharing your story! <3