Relationships are messing and difficult because there are no standards for what is right and what is wrong. When does it stop being love and become control? This is a question I repeatedly asked myself for the duration of my three year relationship. Let me tell you. If you question that you may be in an unhealthy relationship then you are.
You should NEVER have to question real love.
I count myself lucky in that I was not in a physically abusive relationship but the fact that it wasn't made it difficult to see how wrong it really was. "He didn't hit me. That means he's not abusing me. Right?" Completely and utterly wrong. Sometimes we forget to mention that abuse can also be emotional.
If someone makes you feel bad about yourself or feel like you need to stay with them because you are lucky that they are even with a person like you. Then you need to run away, fast.
Looking back I ask myself why the hell did I stay so long! There were so many classic signs of abuse: putting you down, separating you from your family and friends, controlling every single minor detail of your life down to how you spend your money and where you go. I knew in my heart that this was wrong, so very very wrong.
Here's what I think the problem was. Everyone say what was going on: my friends, my family, my teachers, hell even his family! And while they all were sympathetic to me not one person ever said the word. No one said you are being abused.
You are in an ABUSIVE relationship.
I think just anyone saying that out loud would have changed so much. They said it after the fact but no one wanted to "hurt my feelings." But screw my feelings at that point they were already being hurt, ran over with a semi truck.
So I beg you if you see someone in a relationship that you know is wrong please say something. Please say the word, abusive. They may not want to hear it. They may get angry at you. They'll probably deny it but you will plant the seed and justify what they are thinking.
If you think you maybe in an abusive relationship please run away as fast as you can. I'd love to help you get through it because I've been there. Just email me at email@example.com.
Sorry for getting on my soap box but it's something that needed to be said and I hope maybe this can help someone out there.
As Always, Keep it Classy