Closing the Lid

This will be my final post concerning my ex-boyfriend and I hope maybe it will help me finally close the lid on this relationship that has been haunting me the past 10 months or so.

As I've mentioned previously never for a moment have I doubted my decision to leave. It has left me more happy than I ever imagined and I could be on my own. And it has also lead me to my current relationship with a boy I couldn't imagine being without now.

But it has also left me scarred in ways I never realized I could be. These scars have helped me to see more clearly what it is that I really want with my life and with my next relationship.

Myself and both of my beautiful sisters.

I don't think my current boyfriend or probably anyone will be able to fully understand how special it is to me that my sister is back in my life. My biggest problem with my ex, among many other things was that he hated my sister passionately. I promised myself that the next guy would at least be indifferent and that's all I was really hoping for.

But my new boy wants to get to know my sister and welcomes her into our relationship. In fact we had a group conversation on the phone two nights ago (how sweet is that!). It honestly makes me want to cry to think how wonderful it is.

Though issues with my sister weren't the only damages from my past relationship. I find myself surprised when my boyfriend doesn't care that my best friend is a boy or that I have a lot of guy friends that I like to hang out with. He trusts me. It's strange. I'm not used to having someone just trust that I will do the right thing, which I almost always will.

I've been so used to keeping secrets. So many secrets it was difficult to keep up. Lying about going out to see my sister, lying about how late I stayed out with my friends, or lying about how much money I spent on shoes.

source

It's so refreshing to not have to lie anymore. It is like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My relationship is no longer a burden to bear. It's enjoyable!

Now I think I have pretty legitimate reasons to hate my ex-boyfriend for all of the emotional abuse and control he held over me. But truly I am done with being mad. I'm done feeling sorry for him.

I think I am finally ready to let it all go. Let go of the anger, the fear, sympathy, the regret. I'm ready to start new and fresh and I don't think I could have picked any better of a person to start new with!

Dear Former Boyfriend

I wrote this one week after my break-up. It makes me so happy to know that I was this sure of myself and that I still feel the exact same way. I just thought it would be nice to share with you all. 

Dear Former Boyfriend,

I loved you and I was willing to be with you the rest of my life… IF you could change just a few things. But those few things are who you are and what if I don’t like the person you become.

Even though you took away so much from me; my family, friends, most importantly my self-worth I do not hate you. I hope that you gained from me as much as you took.

Realizing that you were not my burden to bear was the most freeing feeling in the world. I am free to be myself, love myself, love whoever I want too. I just want to thank you for teaching me who I am and what I want out of this life. Though it is so much more than you could ever offer me.

Good bye forever,

Freed Spirit

Say the Word: Abusive Relationships

Relationships are messing and difficult because there are no standards for what is right and what is wrong.  When does it stop being love and become control? This is a question I repeatedly asked myself for the duration of my three year relationship. Let me tell you. If you question that you may be in an unhealthy relationship then you are.

You should NEVER have to question real love.

I count myself lucky in that I was not in a physically abusive relationship but the fact that it wasn't made it difficult to see how wrong it really was. "He didn't hit me. That means he's not abusing me. Right?" Completely and utterly wrong. Sometimes we forget to mention that abuse can also be emotional.

If someone makes you feel bad about yourself or feel like you need to stay with them because you are lucky that they are even with a person like you. Then you need to run away, fast.

Looking back I ask myself why the hell did I stay so long! There were so many classic signs of abuse: putting you down, separating you from your family and friends, controlling every single minor detail of your life down to how you spend your money and where you go. I knew in my heart that this was wrong, so very very wrong.

Here's what I think the problem was. Everyone say what was going on: my friends, my family, my teachers, hell even his family! And while they all were sympathetic to me not one person ever said the word. No one said you are being abused.

You are in an ABUSIVE relationship. 

I think just anyone saying that out loud would have changed so much. They said it after the fact but no one wanted to "hurt my feelings." But screw my feelings at that point they were already being hurt, ran over with a semi truck.

So I beg you if you see someone in a relationship that you know is wrong please say something. Please say the word, abusive. They may not want to hear it. They may get angry at you. They'll probably deny it but you will plant the seed and justify what they are thinking.

If you think you maybe in an abusive relationship please run away as fast as you can. I'd love to help you get through it because I've been there. Just email me at classyinkc@yahoo.com.

Sorry for getting on my soap box but it's something that needed to be said and I hope maybe this can help someone out there.


As Always, Keep it Classy



XOXO
Classy