As I've mentioned previously never for a moment have I doubted my decision to leave. It has left me more happy than I ever imagined and I could be on my own. And it has also lead me to my current relationship with a boy I couldn't imagine being without now.
But it has also left me scarred in ways I never realized I could be. These scars have helped me to see more clearly what it is that I really want with my life and with my next relationship.
Myself and both of my beautiful sisters.
I don't think my current boyfriend or probably anyone will be able to fully understand how special it is to me that my sister is back in my life. My biggest problem with my ex, among many other things was that he hated my sister passionately. I promised myself that the next guy would at least be indifferent and that's all I was really hoping for.
But my new boy wants to get to know my sister and welcomes her into our relationship. In fact we had a group conversation on the phone two nights ago (how sweet is that!). It honestly makes me want to cry to think how wonderful it is.
Though issues with my sister weren't the only damages from my past relationship. I find myself surprised when my boyfriend doesn't care that my best friend is a boy or that I have a lot of guy friends that I like to hang out with. He trusts me. It's strange. I'm not used to having someone just trust that I will do the right thing, which I almost always will.
I've been so used to keeping secrets. So many secrets it was difficult to keep up. Lying about going out to see my sister, lying about how late I stayed out with my friends, or lying about how much money I spent on shoes.
It's so refreshing to not have to lie anymore. It is like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My relationship is no longer a burden to bear. It's enjoyable!
Now I think I have pretty legitimate reasons to hate my ex-boyfriend for all of the emotional abuse and control he held over me. But truly I am done with being mad. I'm done feeling sorry for him.
I think I am finally ready to let it all go. Let go of the anger, the fear, sympathy, the regret. I'm ready to start new and fresh and I don't think I could have picked any better of a person to start new with!