Playing it Cool: The "Cool Girl" Complex

Ever have a moment where you read something or see something and it just instantly resonates with you on a close and personal level? Well, I've recently had that kind of a moment with the movie/book Gone Girl. I loved it so much that I watched in theaters twice and am now reading the book. Even a couple weeks later, I just can't stop thinking about the crux of the novel, the "cool girl" tirade.

Here is an excerpt of her rant to give you some background (Note: this has been edited for clarity and vulgarity, but the full text can be found here!)

"Men always say that as the defining compliment, don't they? She's a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer... Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don't mind, I'm the Cool Girl."

First of all I want to clarify that this speech isn't to imply that some women can't enjoy football and beer and also be stunningly beautiful at the same time. Rather it showcases how women feel the need to edit who they are to conform to a man's ideals and desires. But the key takeaway I got was the fact that a Cool Girl never gets angry. Setting down boundaries or asking for respect from your partner almost instantaneously makes you a bitch.

I'll admit it (and I'm sure I'm not alone on this one) that I have tried my very best to be a Cool Girl. You're going to be an hour late and I'm already at the restaurant? No problem, I'll just hang out! You would rather go to the bar and get drunk with your friends than meet my parents? Have a ball! I don't give a shit what you do! Those are real things that I've done that are really bothersome to look back on.

Why on earth did I lie and say that I was fine with something when really I was pretty angry about it? Why was I scared to object and ask that a man respect me and the plans he made with me? It's because I wanted to be the Cool Girl. I wanted them to love me and think that I was the greatest girl in the world because I was fun and never got mad about anything. Because if I said no, you can't go out with your friends because you made a promise to me I'm instantly the bad guy. Funny how a woman simply asking to be treated with respect makes her the nag that nobody wants to date.

Movies have been giving us unrealistic expectations of relationships for our whole life, so why does it matter anymore this time? I think the answer lies in the fact that this is a more believable, subtle lie perpetrated by our popular culture. It's generally understood that the busty super model isn't generally a real life attainable woman. But the Cool Girl, she's played in the understated, I'm just so average and cool I can't be made up. I was created to be the real woman for the masses. 

So we try and we try to make ourselves more Cool and fun and quirky and laid back to win over the hearts of men that are breaking ours by treating us like a doormat. We let men and society put us into categories (once again!) of either super fun or neurotic and bitchy, when it's really more like we're the doormat or the self-respecting woman.  

In the end, I guess our only defense is to be ourselves, unashamed of the fact that we don't know everything about football or that we expect our significant others to keep plans. While we can't fight Hollywood, we can fight our own willingness to become yet another stereotype of the ideal woman. 

I may not be an ideal woman or a Cool Girl, but I am myself for all of my flaws and triumphs and I encourage you to attempt to embrace that a little more, because what makes you awesome is your uniqueness not your eagerness to please. 

Stay Classy,

Hayley XO

Is everyone getting married without me?

For everyone not in the Midwest, this may not be as much of an issue right now. But for all of us living in the very exceptionally landlocked part of the country, saying that everyone you know is getting married or having children may actually be true. In fact, I don't have enough fingers to count all the people that are my age (22) or below that are married or engaged that I've been friends with. It's sort of a surreal feeling to imagine people like you spending the rest of their lives with someone when you still feel like you're that awkward girl with the braces and cat eye glasses that was dying to be kissed.

So why does it feel like everyone is getting married? And why is it totally okay if they are and you're still in the single ready to mingle point in your life.

First off, the reason that you seem to feel surrounded by married couples and soon to wed ones is because you have much greater access to acquaintances and not super close friends lives. Before people had Facebook and Instagram to bombard with photos of their ring and dress and flowers and #MCM husband the only way you found out was through word of mouth or the announcement in the newspaper. If you limited everyone you know that's engaged or married to only posting one thing about  it, I bet it will seem like a whole lot less than you felt like before.

But all that being said. There is nothing wrong with people being super excited about the person they are going to spend the rest of their lives with. I mean, I can hardly restrain myself from posting every single picture I take of my beautiful niece because I want to share with the world how incredible she is when she makes one of her 5 different infant faces. Being excited is the completely natural thing to do and wanting to over share is pretty normal also.

The problem becomes when you take their gushing about their love as a challenge or an attack on how your love life is going. I firmly believe that 99.999% of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with you (sorry).

But still, you say, it makes you feel your single hood even more (grabbing the nearest cat and a pint of Ben and Jerry's). The biggest mistake you are making probably lies in that you are ignoring all the totally awesome things you have done too. For myself I went on a super awesome adventure and got a dog and have now realized I have a long way to go before I should ever be responsible for another human being.

Just don't let this happen!

I guess the problem is that we try to turn our lives into one big marathon. We assume that we're all on this same path and that these people are meeting checkpoints ahead of us. When in reality it's like we're running in completely different races or maybe aren't wanting to be in a race at all!

So maybe everyone is getting married (probably not completely true but we can go with it), SO WHAT? Be happy for them but also be happy for yourself. Our accomplishments aren't limited to specific categories like relationships, worldly experience, education... they are open to being anything in the whole world which is pretty awesome.

And if none of that works at least you get to go shopping because you're going to need some outfits to wear to all those weddings.


XOXO
Hayley

Searching for Love in Likes

Thinking back to seventh grade, when I told my best friend I had fallen in love because of a mutual fondness for Dr. Pepper, I realize that we often time are looking for the wrong things when trying to find love. When you meet someone and go and peruse their social media profiles, you know you all do it, the things that jump out at you most are probably your shared interests. You thing Mumford and Sons are awesome and he also thinks Mumford and Son's is awesome, it's a perfect match!

Source

While it may sound silly simplified to that extent, think about it. How many times have you found yourself having a conversation with a person you may be interested in about just the things you have in common? The shared interest in music, movies, food, all petty and quite honestly meaningless things about them and yourself.

I think a major problem this generation is suffering from, at least in the romance department, is defining ourselves by our interests rather than who you are. Social media and a list of our virtual "likes" perpetrate the problem further.

Shared interests are maybe a great way to get a conversation started or to find an activity to bond over, but we seem to confuse them with the substance that can build a relationship. Unless you are writing a thesis on the impact of The Godfather on the perception of the mafia in popular culture, there is not much about that being your favorite movie that defines you as a person (even though it displays an excellent taste in movies!).

But seriously, Marlon Brando, amazing.

Think of how many millions of people listen to the same music, watch the same movies, and enjoy the same food as you. My chances of walking outside and running into someone of the opposite sex that has watched and enjoyed the same movie as me is extremely probable, and I'm in a foreign country!

The point I am making here is that we should center the conversation around getting to know people's passions rather than their pop culture interests. Knowing what drives a person tells you significantly more about their character than the fact that you both like spicy foods.

That being said, it should encourage you to look for people outside of your general scope of thinking. For example, just because I am an aspiring writer who enjoys 90s pop, that doesn't mean a computer programmer that likes bluegrass couldn't be my perfect match values wise.

So stop defining yourself by what your Facebook page says you're interested in and start going off of what makes you get out of bed every morning, whatever that may be. The change could very well help you find the right places to be looking.


As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Hayley Kiah

Buenos Aires: The Paris of South America

Numerous times I've heard Buenos Aires referred as being the Paris of South America. Having never been in Paris I can't really make a good judgement but if Paris is dirty and full of lovers then they might be on to something.

Tonight on my walk home from my university, I decided to take the scenic route rather than cut through the mall like I normal do. The air tonight is cool but not cold and I was enjoying it. This decision then led me to be waiting at a stop light to cross the street with two 12-year olds that were making out and snuggling while waiting to also cross the street I assume. Or maybe they had just chosen that spot to stop and express their love for each other, it really could be either here.

As I was trying to not look extremely creepy, being the only person standing directly next to these young star-crossed lovers, I realized that Buenos Aires really is the city of love. I also realized that I kind of love it.

Street Art in Buenos Aires: Source

In the US, it would be looked down upon to just make out on a street corner but here it's normal. Couples publicly display their affection all over the place. But also unlike in the US it's generally not lewd or obscene. At least from what I've experienced it's not hands going into the no-no square, just to people sharing an intensely intimate moment.

The chances of these two 12 year olds relationship actually developing into something serious are basically slim to none. But at that moment you would think the were the most in love people in the world. They aren't the only ones either, I've witnessed it several times with adult couples also. Even when you are being hit on by an Argentinian, you would almost believe that they were completely enthralled with you. Though you haven't even spoken a word to them yet.

How I usually feel! Source

There's something to be said about people that can be open with their heart, that can just lay it all out there for the world, regardless of the outcome. As an outsider to this culture, it makes me realize just how cold we as a society really are. We may love each other, even in non-romantic situations, but we rarely choose to physically express it because that goes against our societal norms. It's just really interesting to be immersed in a culture that wears its heart on its sleeve practically all the time.

That's just my two cents for the day. Buenos Aires may not appear to be the city of love at first glance, with the angry driving, graffiti, and dog droppings/trash everywhere, but in the people it's pretty easy to find an abundance of love.



Besos!

Summer Loving: Is it worth the effort?

College has left me in a very complicated situation as to where I can say I live. Depending on the month I can be in Southwest MO, Kansas City, or Buenos Aires, Argentina. And after I graduate next spring I could quite literally be anywhere in the world. So if I do meet someone that seems interesting, where do I tell them I'm living?

The problem with being in a million different places for odd amounts of time is that you have enough time to meet people but not enough to create a substainial relationship that would be worth trying to have through the distance. Maybe my problem is that I'm not meeting people that are worth attempting the distance for but I'm not sure.

So when you're single and home from college is a summer romance really worth it? Well that really depends on a lot of things but here are some questions to ask yourself to help figure it out.

Source

How did you meet this person?

If you met them in a bar at 1AM the chances of this relationship really going places are slim. Even if you are to start developing a relationship outside of an alcohol filled setting, the problem is you both will be questioning the others worth because of your circumstances and a serious relationship may never develop.

If you met during something a little more wholesome or doing something you have a shared interest in. IE: You're both lifeguards at Whitewater for the summer or you workout at the same time every week. Basically you have some kind of common ground to build upon then you're off to a good start.

How much do you like them?

This may seem like a silly question but it's one to consider. If you don't immediately answer A WHOLE LOT then your future is probably questionable. While this may not always be true, I'm a strong believer in first impressions and I think if you aren't intially crazy about a person, you never really will be.

If you do like them A WHOLE LOT then you have to really start thinking about if they are liking you a whole lot also. If they are then great! Get to work on building a stronger relationship for when you're not able to be together.

Source

Is a relationship realistic?

This one more applies to situations of extreme distance, such as international love. Even if you loved this person, would it be possible for you to be together? Would you be able to visit or see each other. This would be for example if you feel in love with someone from say China and they just graduated college and have to go home. They may not be able to get a visa to permantly stay with you or you just may not be able to afford to see them. If your relationship has no foreseeable light at the end of the tunnel it will probably just end in heartbreak.

What are both of your expectations and goals?

For myself, a guy that planned on staying in the Midwest probably just wouldn't be a good fit because I plan on living abroad. But for other people a guy that planned on travel extensively may be an awful fit! It's important to know where you both are going in life. Also do you know what they are expecting out of this relationship? Are they looking for a long term commitment or not? If you have different expectations this can quickly turn into a train wreck.

The most important thing to consider with your potential summer romance or with any budding relationship is to make sure you are on the same page. As awkward as it maybe, you need to find out what they want and make sure that it is what you want also. Plenty of summer romances have turned into great, lasting relationships. It really just depends on the effort you are willing to put in.


As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Hayley

You won't find love in someone's pants.

While it may seem silly, and you might be saying, "Hayley, I'm not stupid I know I won't find love in some persons pants." But secretly you think that you might. Just admit it. Virtually all sexually active women (maybe men also) like to hope to at least some degree that they will actually fall in love with someone they are hooking up with. Knowing that this is wrong isn't anything new to you. But I'm going to give you a new take on why it won't work, other than sex is immoral.

So we're all clear on the fact that sex doesn't equal love, right? If you're not, feel free to refresh yourself on the topic here. Now that we've gotten that all sorted out let's talk about why you can't possibly find love that way but why it's also not necessarily a bad thing.

On second thought, let's check in their pants...

What are your intentions? If you're just looking for a good time there is nothing wrong with casual sex or hooking up outside of a relationship. But if you are looking for a significant other or to fall in love, even secretly deep down inside, just don't do it. You won't find love.

The problem isn't so much that you're cheapening yourself or that you've become dirty somehow by having sex, but rather that you've already put it out there that a relationship is not what you want and they have too.

Even saying the whole, "I never do this!" line won't help you prove that you want a relationship. By having sex or engaging in sexual acts with them you made them think that you are on the same page of not wanting anything more. It's not because they're a douche (though they definitely can be!) it's the fact that you mislead them about what you were looking for.

You also get back, what you give out. When you make yourself seem like an easy, fun time that's all that you will get back in return. There is nothing more annoying than a girl that gets upset when a guy doesn't actually like her AFTER she's already had sex with him. Of course he doesn't want you to be his girlfriend! You didn't act like girlfriend material!! And frankly, you don't want that guy to be your boyfriend either if that's the way he was acting.

This isn't to say that you can't have sex for fun. You totally can, just don't expect them to want anything serious with you afterwards. Just don't have sex (at least at first) with people that you may want a relationship with in the future.

The moral of the story is that there is nothing wrong with sex, just make sure that you put out the same vibes that you are wanting to get back.



As always, stay classy
Hayley

Is the internet killing romance?

One of women's all time favorite things to do is talk about how they wish romance was still like it was in old timey movies. Famous lines from movies like, It's a Wonderful Life, "you want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down," have us starstruck by the sweet, romanticism of it all. While part of the problem is that movies aren't real life, a larger and more solvable problem is that our technological generation is killing the romance.

It's a Wonderful Life

Men don't get a chance to tell us sweet lines like that because often times we have made our decision on what we think of them way before we actually give them a chance. Can our access to virtually all the information we could ever want about a person be the reason there is no more romance in our love lives? I think the answer is yes, for several reasons.

First of all, we no longer "get to know someone" in any kind of traditional sense. With a few quick taps on our keyboard we can know everything about a person, their birthday, favorite color, great aunt, the picture of them in their hometown newspaper when they won a ribbon for participation in a wrestling tournament when they were 8 years old, everything.

Spend a little less time doing this...

The problem with this is that when we learn about someone through a computer or phone screen we miss out on all the best stuff. We don't get to hear the funny story that goes along with newspaper clipping. We don't get to hear why their past relationship didn't work out from them. An electronic device can't show you the way they snort when they recall a good memory or the pain still present when talking about a family pet that passed. You miss out on so much.

Not only do you miss out learning more about them you either fall in love with or dislike someone based on their online profile. Someone can seem perfect for you through the lens of what they choice to post and write about themselves, but it can't show you the real them. It can also cause you to not give them a chance because you think you know something about them, without letting them offer an explanation.

Those are just the major issues that come up. We haven't even talked about accidentally bringing up a personal fact they haven't told you yet or the fact that you miss out on all the excitement.

... More time doing this.

So the point that knowledge is power. It's great to know a little something about someone before you devote time to them. But at what cost? The next time you meet a new guy or gal instead of heading straight to their facebook to analyze every girl that's posted on their wall in the past year or try and decide if that's their sister or an ex-girlfriend, stop and think about what you're doing.

Part of the fun of dating is the discovery. Finding out bit by bit about someone new. Romance lies in the mystery of not knowing all the facts. Googling someone is like starting a new book at the ending, which you just should never do. So unless you are one of those horrible people that read the endings of books first, resist the urge to google and let the romance thrive.


As always, stay classy
XOXO

Hayley

Catfish: Can you love a stranger?

Just another show in MTV's long list of forgettable reality series, Catfish has seemed to have struck a cord with us. Meeting someone online isn't all that hard in our digital age. But the idea of falling in love with them and talking to them for years without proof of who they are sounds a little far fetched.

For those of you that have better things to do than watch MTV and are unaware of what Catfish is, here is a brief summary. Basically it is a show based on connecting long term online lovers. The team comes in and films everything as they investigate their mystery lovers. Then they try to get ahold of them and have them meet in person. Sometimes it's girls pretending to be boys or vice versa, or sometimes they just don't hit it off like they thought they would, on rare occasion it actually works out.

So how can it be possible to be in love with someone you've never met? Or is it even possible? I would have to say that in my opinion I don't think you can really truly be "in love" with someone you haven't physically spent time with. You miss out on all the little unspoken things about them that create the bond of love.

But why then are so many people open to loving strangers they have never met and may never meet? I think it really speaks to the loneliness our generation feels. Are we really that desperate to find love that we are willing to create it with a stranger? Apparently so.

Someone you will never meet can never judge you for you flaws or imperfections. They will only love you for the parts of you that you let them see. It's so much safer than real life. You can place all your hopes and dreams into that person and be relatively confident you won't get hurt.

I'm sure the idea of meeting this person they have created this fantasy with is somewhat appealing. Why else would they go on the show. But often times it seems like there fantasy doesn't match up with reality.

I guess the moral of the story is that we can't let ourselves be so scared of the real world that we choose to live solely in online relationships. Sometimes reality hurts but that's just a chance you have to take to experience real life the way you should.




As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Hayley

Can you be TOO open to love?

Sometimes I think that we want so desperately to not be alone, to find our perfect counterpart that we let that put blinders on us. We let our mission block out everyone around us, the warning signals in our heads, and we rush things.

I am definitely a rusher. I'm not a girl to be cautious or apprehensive about trusting or loving someone and I still have yet to decide whether that's a good or a bad thing.

I feel like I let my heart be open to all the possibilities and opportunities I can because I'm scared that if I don't I'll miss out. That the love of my life will pass me by. But on the flip side you often confuse love with lust and end up getting hurt.

My parents have always taught me that when you fall off the horse you have climb right back on otherwise you will be scared forever. I've applied that same theory to my love life but I wonder if that's right. Maybe if you are to open to love and falling in love you lose sight of when it's actually real.

How do you know it's real love when you feel like it could have been real love with so many others? Can you desensitize yourself to love by trying to love to much?

I'm not really sure, but it's a confusing, scary thought all the same. That we are so scared of missing out that we do miss out because we were looking for some profound signal to tell us when we were in love.

Maybe we all need to stop looking for the flashing neon light and huge signal and just let life take us where it will and see where we end up.

Just some thoughts for you all to chew on!

Stay True XOXO

Hayley

Break-Up Without the Heart Break

So I'm back to square one again. Turns out it just wasn't meant to be with Mr. Perfect. The timing of our lives was completely horrific for a really serious relationship to happen. Him leaving for the air force so soon means that we don't really have time to actually build the kind of foundation that a relationship needs to last the military experience so remaining close friends seems to suite our situation better.

But as that fleeting moment of bliss passes I find my mind wandering back to the Frat Boy again. If you don't remember him he was the guy I had a brief fling with last school year that wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. Grated we did know he would be gone for literally the entire summer so maybe it was wise not to really start something just yet.

He's part of a prestigious (or so he tells me!) traveling band corps that performs all around the country. But in no time at all we will both be finding ourselves back in Kansas City and single. I don't know what I'm really wanting or expecting to happen.

Not him but what he does!

I mean if he wasn't willing to commit before will that change now? I'm not sure if that was an easy way out of trying to not hurt my feelings or if it was the honest truth. During some of our numerous late night conversations about just about everything I began to get the feeling that maybe he was being truthful. That he is scared to commit because he may get left.... again.

People's backgrounds and histories can define a lot about them and getting to know that a little better now I could understand how that could be scary for him to actually trust someone.

I'm not sure. Maybe he's just being a jerk and really has zero intentions of ever wanting to date me at all but I guess we will just have to wait for the school year to find out. And if so there are plenty of jerks in the sea.... oh wait I mean fish, right?

The bright side to both of these developments in my life if that regardless of what happens romantically I have two close friends that I've gotten to share a lot with and that I genuinely love and care about as friends.

I think myself and my now ex-boyfriend should win some sort of award for best break up ever! I'm getting really talented at these by the way!!

Oh and even though things didn't work out I can still keep myself perfectly entertained without a man in my life and I'm starting to think I may not be done with being single just yet. I rather enjoy flirting and fantasizing about the hot waiter asking me out.

No more single girl problems!!

You all have stood by me through all single girl issues since the beginning. Reading previous posts I can actually see the journey that I have made getting over my ex and learning to love just getting to be me. I think I was finally at a point where I was happy with myself and that I didn't need a new relationship to make me feel complete.

Well they say that when you stop looking that's right when a relationship falls into your lap. Ok, that's not exactly the saying but I feel like it's accurate to this situation.

I by no means have any problems with being single, but there is a certain incompleteness to it. That you don't have someone to cry to when your day has been bad or someone that will listen to you vent or get excited about something dumb with you. I have some incredible best friends that have done a hell of a job filling that role this past year but it's just not quite the same.

But anyway this brings me to say that Mr. Perfect is now all mine! Not completely official because he says he'll only ask me in person when he gets back but we're what my mother would call "exclusive." Honestly even if we weren't there is no one else I would even want to look at twice now that I've found him.

This is the text that he sent me after we got done Skyping for several hours (and driving my sister nuts because she said I was laughing to loud... oops :)). It pretty much sums up exactly why he is amazing and it completely cry worth. What he sent is the green.

And before you think oh is he ok with her posting that on her blog for the whole world to see, he understands my addiction to social media and over sharing all the cute things he says and does. Seriously he is perfect.

So I apologize in advance for all the gushing over how fantastic he is I will be doing from now on but I mean can you really blame me? I can't help but want the world to know I found this guy and he actually wants to be with ME!

Mr. Perfect has made an appearance!

I haven’t been able to post because guess what!! I got my own house with my baby sister! We still haven’t gotten Wi-Fi yet so I have to post this from my parent’s house. It should be up and running soon so I can continue to give you all the details! I will post about that tomorrow with picture but I have an even better topic today.

You all are very much aware of my single status. I post about it often enough! It’s been about 9 months or so since I’ve had a boyfriend. Only the way there have been a plethora of interested guys and guys I was interested in.

There were jerks, liars, duds, and just plain odd guys along the way. But none of them really seemed like anyone to get to worked up over in the end. There was never one that was like I real say the potential to have a real relationship with.

Until now!

If you follow my twitter you may have noticed that practically all I have been tweeting about recently is this wonderful boy I have recently met. And let me tell you he is absolutely perfect I mean I literally could not have dreamed up a better guy than this.

He did debate (like me), he’s a swimmer, in the air force, extremely intelligent, funny, sweet, and actually within a few hours of me (or will be soon). But the best part is he’s Catholic too! An actual practicing one not a I-Was-Baptisted-But-I-Haven’t-Stepped-Foot-In-A-Church-Since-Was-5-Catholic.

The exact moment I realized he was something special was when he practically recited parts of the Geneva Convention to me during a discussion about the treatment of terrorists. We’re just a tad nerdy, but seriously how many other guys would even want to talk about that much less know so much about it!

He said it was when I said I was catholic and that I liked guns. I guess that’s the country girl in me overcoming my liberal side. Currently he is on the West coast so unfortunately we won’t be able to see each other till sometime in June when he comes back into the area.

Until, then thank goodness for cell phones and skype!!

So you all should probably get prepared for an onslaught of mushy posts all about him but I can’t say that I’m sorry about it!

How to break-up: Words of Advice

Not all relationship work. In fact many many relationships fail before you find the one that will last forever. If I can say anything positive about my past relationship it's that while we may not have been terrific at the whole relationship thing we were great at the break up. But to be fair there were some more actual positive things about it just not enough. 

Breaking up isn't easy and never will be easy but I think there are definitely ways to make a break up go more smoothly and thus not hurt yourself or the other person anymore that you have too. 

First of all make sure it's the decision you want to make and you are ready to make it. Trying to leave a relationship that you are not quite done with makes for a messy, nasty ending that hurts you way more than necessary. For myself personally I knew in the back of my mind I was going to leave my boyfriend for almost a year before I was finally ready to let our relationship go. 

Second, once you make the break you have to cut off all contact. NO EXCEPTIONS. After I left my ex we decided to "still be friends" and ended up talking more the next two days then we did in our relationship. There is no way you can grieve a relationship and move on if you are still talking with them and updating yourself on their life. 

That means no calling, texting, facebooking, tweeting, IM'ing, skyping, smoke signaling whatever. You have to eliminate them from your life at least until all the major emotions are gone. 

Third, resist the urge to bad mouth and put all your dirty laundry out there for the world. This should go without saying but we all know people that do it and have probably done it ourselves. Updated our status about how terrible they were or how crushed we are. This is not only immature but it just gives your ex reason to think you still care and a reason to talk to you. In the long run keeping all this drama to yourself will help you heal much better. 

While no break up will ever be easy or painless not making it harder on yourself can make it much easier to get over the relationship and move on with your life. 

Ridiculous Obsession with Love

If you recognize the title as a line from Moulin Rouge then kudos to you! It's a fantastic movie and if you don't go watch it. 


I'll be the first to admit I am obsessed with the idea of love. Tonight I was watching the movie City of Angels, the one with Meg Ryan and Nicholas Cage, with some pals and I just started bawling when Nick started talking about how just one kiss with Meg was worth giving up eternity.

Seriously so romantic

In the middle of my cry/laughing because I was crying fest I yelled: "I just want to be loved!!"

But why am I and basically every other single person on the plant so obsessed with the idea of being in love? I can't really answer that other than that being with someone that completes you must be the best thing in the whole world so we strive to have that.

The craziest part is that when we are in love we take it for granted. I think we forget how difficult the journey to get there was. All the work that goes into loving someone and accepting their faults and flaws. It's not easy! But once we're there we think, Love? Ha. I could find love with someone else easy!

Then we become single and realize that's not the case at all. Love isn't a something that comes along everyday. It can't be delivered at your door step with your morning paper. It's something that has to find you or be found. That's what makes it so special.

I feel like sometimes we take how special love it for granted. We look around and see tons of people in love everyday so that must mean it's common-place when really it's nothing short of extraordinary that two people were able to find each other and then find that spark and THEN want to put effort forth to make things work!

So I guess what this post really has turned into is that you should never take love for granted. Never forget the work you put in to get there and be thankful you have it.

As for me, I'm only 20 and I've already been in love once. That's pretty lucky if you ask me. Even though it didn't pan out I have to rest of my life to find the real true love and when I do you can bet I'll cherish it.



As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO


Hayley

Dear Heart, Love Your Head

I have a question for you all. Why do our hormones continue to tell us we like someone even after we are 90% sure there is no chance of a relationship? I blame this on my hormones because surely my brain knows better than to set me up for failure. But my heart it doesn't care it only wants what it wants.

The worst dilemma to be in is liking someone, they know that you like them, yet they don't really do anything about it. You KNOW that this obviously means nothing is going to happen between you too.

Believing in this

Yet for some reason you still cling to that small hope that maybe they really "aren't ready for a serious relationship right now." (This is still doubtful.)

Is it that we crave love and affection SOOOO much that we will figuratively throw our heart out into moving traffic in the hope that we will make it to the other side and be in love with someone that loves us back?

Well what I have to say to this is that sometimes our heart needs a good smack from our head. Stop wasting your time and feelings over someone that you know it won't ever happen with. Even if something were to happen the fact that they are falling all over themselves to be with you now shows that they are clearly not worth your time.

I really really badly need to take my own advice. Hopefully I will take it soon before I end up getting hurt sending out all my feelings and getting none in return.

I strongly believe that when you find "The One" they will also have that innate sense that you too are extremely special to their lives. If the person you are craving isn't sensing that, despite your attempts, cut your loses and move on to bigger things!

So I will leave you with a lovely Journey song that describes this situation moderately well:

As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO


Hayley

My 100 Word Love Story

Hey all! If you don't already follow Melissa at So about what I said you should head over and check out my 100-Word love story that she picked to post!!

I'm so thrilled about this you can't even imagine so please go check it out!


As Always, Stay Classy
Hayley

Dear 14 Year Old Self

Dear 14 year old Me,

You're not going to want to hear this, but you don't have it all figured out. The things that you think mean the whole world, like getting your first kiss, falling in love, getting that boy to like you, they aren't that important so don't sweat it.

You are going to have your heart broken when that boy you really liked tells you he doesn't feel the same way at the track meet. But you should be so proud that you didn't cry because he will gain about 50 lbs. and stay in your hometown.

My "boyfriend" when I was 14.

You will think that your first kiss is the most important thing in the world and that it is all you care about getting. Believe me, it won't be that great. In fact it will be absolutely terrible! But don't worry there will be many more kisses to come with boys you really care about.

You may think that you aren't popular or cool because you don't want to party. Those people will end up dropping out of college and staying at home. You are so much better than them.

My baby sister and I

In the years to come you'll go against your gut and make decisions you will regret. But just remember that the most important thing you have is your family and you should never let anyone or any boy come in between your relationship with them.

Most of all remember that even when it seems like the world is over, your life is just beginning.


Love,
20 year old You

The Scary L Word: Love

As a single woman I tend to gravity towards other single women in my real life, twitter, and blogging. One thing that all of us have in common is that we are obsessed with our singlehood. It is probably one of the biggest things we talk about. How we wish that perfect guy would show up. How we don't need a man and we're happy to be single. How we're lonely.

Source

The thing is that I wonder what many of us would do in the situation if we actually found this elusive "perfect guy." Would we know what to do or would we be to scared??

While love sounds great on paper it is pretty frightening in real life. With love comes the possibility of rejection, heartbreak, and tears. But also the possibility of real happiness, fulfillment, and the enjoyment of companionship.

All of this leads me to wonder if in reality we are scared of love!

There are so many opportunities that present themselves that we choose to ignore for one reason or another but what we have to ask ourselves is, is that the real reason you won't commit or is it because we are frightened of losing ourselves or getting hurt?

It is ok to be scared of falling in love but fear shouldn't stop us from pursuing it. So I challenge you the next time you turn down a guy that seemed like he could fit well with you think about the real reasons you are doing it. You might be surprised!!



As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO


Hayley

How Far Would You Go?

How far would you go for what could potentially be love? As I talked about in my post The Boy She Meet Online, meeting people online isn't that taboo anymore. So does this mean that we have a greater chance of finding our soulmate than we ever did before?

When I was younger (And way to into deep thinking!) I used to worry that the love of my life could be across the world where I could never possibly find him. But now that has become much less of a problem because it doesn't matter if he's across the world, or the country because through the internet I can still find him.

Source

But how far would you go for this chance at love? Would you fly half way across the country to meet a stranger in the hopes that they could be your perfect match?

I mean I suppose you were answering that question yes when you began to talk to someone that you knew was far away. But what if it is simply the glamour of falling for a stranger that attracts you more than the actual compatibility.

I realize I've just asked a lot of questions and have given absolutely zero answers. But the thing is that I don't have any answers to give you just yet.

Maybe it's being scared of taking a chance or even of something actually working, of actually falling in love with someone that holds us back from doing crazy things. I constantly encourage you all to take chances and do things you never dreamed you would do, so many it's time I took that advice for myself and finally did something crazy.

This gives me a lot to think about... I apologize for the nonsensical rant but I appreciate any thoughts you may have on the matter!!


As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Hayley
 (using my real name now! Exciting!!)

The Vow: Our Current Obsession

So it's no secret that literally every girl on the planet is obsessing over The Vow. Even my room mate that is the biggest tomboy ever wants to watch it!! This thrills me since she always shakes her head at me when I watch The Notebook and Pride and Prejudice over and over and over....

It's amazing that women are already OBSESSED with this movie even though we haven't even seen it yet! Previous Notebook star Rachel McAdams is plays the wife of Channing Tatum that loses her memory. So then he has to be the most fabulous husband in the world and make her fall back in love with him.

Surely this isn't something we haven't heard before. Heck, in The Notebook Noah has to make Allie fall in love with him everyday again. But what is that makes this movie so different then the mountains of other romances we are bombarded with everyday.

Channing Tatum has been in other movies so why is The Vow the magic movie???

This is the only conclusion I can come too. They have excellent timing. It's right before Valentines Day and all of us single women are looking for a way to fill our craving for romance and what better way then a desperately sad, hopelessly romantic love story?

All I can say is bravo whoever planned this because you have got us hooked! How many of you guys plan on watching The Vow?? My girls and I are doing it as our Valentines Day outing!!


As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO


Classy