Thursday, March 1, 2012

Forgive and Forget: Part 1

This is part of series I'm writing on forgiveness and what it means. Check back in the coming days for the next parts!

In one of my journalism classes we have been discussing a lot about the conflicts that happen in other countries and how so many of them are based off of things that people in those countries feel are historical wrongs. Basically, anytime they get asked why they hate that country or that group it's because 90 years ago they did this to us.

Now doesn't that just seem silly? I guess the problem is that there is no set place to draw the line of when something is just "in the past."

This got me thinking that not only do countries and groups do this but people do this in relationships so much. Getting hung up on the past can be extremely detrimental to moving forward. My professor put it really well, "If you keep dewelling on the past how can you ever have peace?"

While he clearly meant peace in conflicts I think peace can also mean in a relationship. How can the fighting end unless someone lets go of the past? The truth is it probably can't.

I'm not a person to hold a grudge really but my former boyfriend could hold one better than any girl I know. If I did something wrong I would get reminded of it over and over and over. The thing was that it didn't change what I did. It didn't make either of us feel better about ourselves or our relationship.

I do think that their are certain things that maybe we can't "get over" or forgive. But if you find yourself experiencing one of those things in your relationship than maybe you should rethink it.

What I'm basically getting at is that while we should never let ourselves be pushovers we also shouldn't let the past stand in the way of our future and our potential. Getting upset about something is ok just don't let their wrong control your life.

Hmmm... this is going to get even more in depth tomorrow!

As Always, Stay Classy



  1. I think that it's important to forgive but sometimes you just can't forget. For example, I forgive my current ex for all the lies he told and fights we had, etc. I wish the best for him and still genuinely care about him. I would never wish any harm on him (I was not here a few months ago...I was very bitter). However, I won't forget how he made me feel and the horrible way he treated me because I know that if I forget that.. there's a chance I could enter into that emotional rollercoaster relationship again. My philosophy is forgive but not forget! I like where you are going with this series though! Can't wait to keep reading

    1. Thank you! I guess it's sort of the same path for me. Finding the balance between remembering enough to not repeat and forgetting enough to not let it control your life.

  2. Hayley, I love this post. I think it's awesome that you are open to and believe in moving forward. I used to be someone who would hold grudges, but not in a vengeful way, just that they would always be in the back of my mind. It's hard making the change, but in the end, it's for the best.

    1. I think that anytime we hold anything inside we aren't letting ourselves reach our full potential. I do agree that letting go it the best in the end.

  3. I know I've said this about your previous posts, but the it's still rings true on this one as well: I LOVE THIS POST!

    I've been in a relationship with my bf for over 6 years now and there have been times when forgiving and getting over something was just too hard for us to do.

    I think in extreme situations, there should be some break time. This has helped my relationship many times. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and find out what you're really fighting about and why. Once you've figured it out you need to ask yourself, "Is this situation really worth giving up after ___ years/months? Will I be able to look past this, or is it something that will constantly be lingering in my mind?"

    Disagreements and arguments are necessary sometimes to grow a relationship. But you have to remember that in order to make it work, you should fight FOR the one you love, not with them.

    1. I adore that last line in there. I'm totally going to quote it in my one of my follow up posts to this. Also I completely agree with everything you said!

    2. I agree with Jessica's last line! :) Sometimes, I think we all need a reminder of those 3 words: forgive, and, forget!

      Nice post, Hayley!

  4. Forgiving to me might be easy but forgetting is sometimes hard!! :-) Great post!!

    Jayme @ Her Late Night Cravings