Happy World Down Syndrome Day!

In case you didn't know today is World Down Syndrome Day, yay!! The reasoning behind choosing March 21st is that it is honoring the 21st chromosome that causes down syndrome. This day is especially close to my heart because my big sister Emy Jo has down syndrome.

Being goofy, as usual!

Warning: I'm about to get really mushy gushy on you but you should enjoy it!

On occasion when I say that I have a sister with down syndrome people apologize and tell me how sorry they are, which honestly just makes me laugh. Sorry? Why on earth should you be sorry it is easily one of the best blessing I've ever been given in my life.

Emy has contributed enormously to shaping the person that I am and the dynamics of my whole family.   Among the great things she has taught me such as being patient (you need A LOT of patience with her), being responsible, being aware of how amazing my parents truly are, she has shown us how to live a life of perpetual innocence.

Emy's favorite person Jale.

She has been blessed with the ability to never see anything wrong in the world. Emy has never meant a bad person and she doesn't really understand that anyone can be a bad person. How amazing must it be to not judge anyone or have any ability to be jaded from the cruelty of the world. Emy loves everyone equally and whole heartedly and I think she has taught us how to do the same.

But, Emy wouldn't be the amazing person she is without my incredible parents. Honestly, and I'm not just saying this, my parents are the most generous, wonderful people in the whole world. They do so much and sacrifice so much for all of us. They couldn't have done a better job with Emy or the rest of us.

Okay, I'm done being all mushy now but truly I wouldn't be the person I am without Emy and I wouldn't even want to imagine what life would have been like without her. So have a great day and remember to never take for granted the blessing you are given no matter how they are packaged.

So I will leave you with the worlds cutest picture ever.


As always, stay classy
XOXO

Hayley Kiah

Baby brother

Can your friends ruin your love life?

If you're like most people in college your best friends are probably a big part of your life. Without your family nearby they become your family away from home. You share everything from clothes and shoes to advice and stories they know pretty much every detail of your life.

You love your friends, but does your relationship with them stop you from having real romantic relationships? Maybe they do. Approaching a girl is scary and immidating. Imagine having to approach a huge group of girls that are all sizing you up and judging your every move. The impenetrable block that are your girlfriends are a surefire way for a guy to move on to a girl that seems more approachable.

The Spice Girls

My girl group consists of 6 females with wildly different personalities but very strong opinions. We've been called the Cheeta Girls, Mean Girls, but the most popular is the Spice Girls. We're know for being inseparable, which isn't a good thing for any guy that wants to talk to us. 

So how do you get guys to approach you without giving up your girl time? 

• Branch Out: I know you love your friends and want to spend every waking moment with them, but try to do somethings on your own. Go to an event on campus solo or join a new club. You'll make some new friends, seem ultra-confident, and be much easier for guys to want to talk to.

• Make Your Own Decisions: Even though you want run everything you do or say by your girls resist the urge and go with your gut. When you have to second guess everything or have your friends approve every text you send, you lose a little bit of the fun.

• Be Independent: Obviously you're going to still go out with your friends but try going to the bathroom on your own, get a new drink by yourself, or dance solo. They're not kidding when they say confidence is sexy. No guy will be able to take his eyes off you when they see that you're not attached to another girl. 

Inseparable where ever we go!

Just because you want to land a guy doesn't mean you should give up your relationship with your girlfriends. But try to act a little more like you're in college and not 7th grade and you'll seem like some one a guy (hopefully a worthwhile guy) would want to take to. 

As always, stay classy

XOXO

Hayley

Is honesty really the best policy?

“People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty.”

 Richard J. Needham

Imagine a world where people really say what they mean. I mean really say the complete and honest truth. That sounds great right? No one lies to anyone. But sometimes it seems like the truth can hurt more than a lie. Brutal honesty isn't exactly a walk in the park.

One of the most confusing parts about girls or human beings in general is that we have no idea what we want. We say we want the truth but really we only want the sugar coating. The truth is a lot like a bowl of trail mix. We buy it but all you really want is the m&ms.

So I guess the problem is that we have different styles of communicating and how we want that truth given to us. For myself just straight up telling me the truth that you don't like me or think I'm terrible at my job is going to make me start crying. But for others that may be the best way to give them feedback.

Think about how this applies to relationships when the two people don't understand how each other communicate and how many pointless fights are started over it. The "does this make me look fat" question is a perfect example. While some women may prefer honesty others just want you to tell them they look nice and aren't looking for a real answer.

While I would never condone lying or dishonesty (that's probably my biggest pet peeve ever) I don't know that you always have to tell the whole brutal truth because most of the time I'd rather just not know that the reason you broke up with me was because you thought you had a chance with my even hotter sister. Isn't just tell me things aren't working out. I know it's not quite the truth but it still gets the same point across.

So ladies or gentleman for my occasional male reader think about how you want to be talked to. Do you prefer to have things sugar coated or is the harsh truth better for you? Do you prefer to be told bad things or even good things through writing on face to face discussion? You don't have to sit your partner down and demand they talk to you that way but you can subtly hint that when they are really harsh with you it hurts your feelings or that you don't appreciate them trying to soften bad news.

Whatever the case you need to find out your communication style and the communication style of the person you are with if you want to have a solid, open relationship with less hurt feeling. But above all remember that being dishonest is never the answer just find the right way to present the truth.




As always, stay classy
XOXO

Hayley

The Deal on the DTR: Defining the Relationship

There is perhaps nothing more awkward that the in-between stage of a relationship where you know you like someone and that there is some sort of thing going on but you are unsure of the other persons feelings or commitment to it. In college it's generally that we're hooking up but is there more to it than that? But it can also simply be that you are going on dates or spending a lot of time together and unsure of what it all means.

Simply put, it's awkward and confusing and puts you in a super weird position when trying to describe your relationship. Most of us just settle on the word thing, which is about as un-descriptive as it gets.

So the real question we all want answered is how do you know or find out if your thing is leading towards something. The first step to honestly evaluate the type of relationship you currently are having.

• Are you both initiating conversation and hanging out/dates? 
• How much have you guys gotten to actually know each other? 
• Can you hang out in a non-sexual situation? Do you even want to?
• Have they confirmed having feelings for you or at least an interest in you and your life?

If the answer to a lot of these questions is no then I'm sorry to say it sounds like you are on a one sided relationship without getting any love in return. Not to say that a relationship isn't possible but don't lie to yourself and end up getting hurt. If you are unsure then you're probably not being honest with yourself, think again.

If you answered yes to most of these questions then it sure sounds like there is something more to this than just the friendship or sexual aspect. If this is your case then terrific! But what the heck do you do now?

This is where we get to the gritty nasty stuff. The dreaded DTR or Defining the Relationship conversation. The first step though is to not refer to it as the DTR that will only shut the other person down from having a serious conversation if they think it's a "relationship talk."

There are a few basic things you should find out or at least establish. Are you exclusive? You don't have to be someones girlfriend/boyfriend to claim exclusivity in your relationship. Setting that boundary is the first step. 

Second, what are they looking for? Are they leaving to join the Peace Corp in a month and not wanting anything serious or are they wanting to get settled down in the near future? These are important things to establish so that you can see if you want the same things. 

Third, don't push the label thing, at first. So you can both agree that you like spending time together and don't want to be seeing other people. That doesn't mean that you have to declare yourself boyfriend and girlfriend or partners or whatever you want to call it. Take a chill pill and let whatever happens develop. If you are exclusively seeing each other already not being labeled isn't hurting you that much. The exception to this is if it gets to be an absurdly long amount of time and the other person just isn't willing to put a title on it for whatever reason. When you are sure that you are a couple and they just won't say it give an ultimatum and chances are they'll change their mind. 

The main thing you need to remember is that this is your relationship, no one elses. So don't worry about giving other people the labels they want to hear. Are you happy with your situation? If so then don't worry about anyone else! 

In any case, good luck and I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.

As always, stay classy

Hayley

XOXO

Lady in the Streets, Freak in the Sheets

Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets. 

You could say that this phrase accurately describes what men want and what a lot of young women aspire to be. A quick search on twitter will reveal this exact philosophy being tweeted and retweeted endless times on a daily basis. It's a saying that has been engrained in our culture but greatly contradicts everything else our society tells us. 

Women by societies standards are not supposed to admit to having any kind of sexuality but at the same time are supposed to be able to turn on the sex-kitten when with a man. It creates an intense double standard for young women where we are told to be sexual "freaks" but conceal it from society. 

Heaven forbid anyone finds out that you are a "freak in the sheets" because you're required to be a lady! Then you're a slut that is unacceptable for dating. 

This double standard is not only applied in how we are supposed to act but in how we are supposed to dress. Wearing anything low cut or tight makes you easy and a whore. But if you dress to conservatively you're prude, up-tight, or stuck up.

Essentially we can't win. You can't be the lady and the freak without being somehow wrong. This idea that is imposed on women is not only silly but damaging. It creates a standard that we can never fit and lends way to objectifying women even more. That to be ideal you have to be a sexual goddess and a perfect lady at the same time.

How about we go back to simply being ourselves. I am neither a perfect lady or a sexual freak, I'm Hayley and I'm defined by a lot of things but not some gimicky phrase.


Everyone, especially women need to stop reenforcing these double standards and negative messages. Start defining yourself by your words and your actions not what you think men want you to be.


As always, stay classy
XOXO

Hayley

Say NO to Comfort Zones

So many of us spend our entire life in our comfort zone, clinging to our habits and friends as security blankets. How many of you could claim that you are adventurous, but really mean that occasionally you try a new coffee shop or make a pinterest board of the places you'd like to go. 

This year I challenge you to get uncomfortable in the best way possible. Push yourself to do things you would never imagine you could do, talk to people you would have never spoken to before. At first leaving the known can be a bit intimidating but I can't explain how enriched your life will be after you take that first step. 

Before college I was content with my small hometown and limited world experience. Now I can't wait for all the adventures I'm going to go on. My plans for after graduation are to live abroad for a few years something I never imagined myself ever doing before. 

My real inspiration for this life change and this post have been all the incredible people I have met being an RA (resident assistant) at my school. You don't realize the number of stereotypes that you have let fill your head until you face them head on. Unfortunately, due to my lack of exposure to other cultures I believed some negative stereotypes to be true. 

When I was told I was getting residents from Saudi Arabia my first thought was that's the country with the worst record for women's rights, they aren't going to listen to me. I'll admit I was a bit wary of them. But when I went to introduce myself to them I received the warmest welcome I think I've ever gotten. Not only were they respectful and polite they were so genuinely kind! 

I do realize that making generalizations about a whole culture isn't good but I can say that I have yet to meet a Saudi Arabian that wasn't extremely polite and sweet to me, wanting nothing in return but your friendship also. 

I've since become what I would consider close friends with several of these guys (the only women that come to school out the country come with their husbands so they typically live off campus) and have encouraged my friends, despite their reservations to give them a chance also. To their surprise they loved them also!

Clearly this is just one isolated example and you may not have the same kind of cultural opportunities around you. But the point is that you can't let your opinions or your desired level of un-comfortability hold you back. You have no idea what you are missing out on till you take a chance and see. 

I challenge you to this time not just say you want to do that or are going to be more adventurous but to go out and do it right now! No matter how big or small your adventure I'm sure you will get something worth your while out of it. 

As always, stay classy

Hayley

PS. Let me know what kinds of adventures you go on!

Since the world is ending...

In case you didn't know tomorrow is the Mayan apocalypse. Personally I don't believe the hype because this seems awfully similar to Y2K but I think that the worlds impending demise brings up some interesting things we should be thinking about.

So lets say hypothetically that the world is in fact ending tomorrow. What would you do with your last days on earth? I posed this question to a close friend and his response was go bungee jumping. While there is certain nothing wrong with that it got me thinking about why we put things like that on our bucket lists.

This made me giggle

If you listen to that country song "Live Like you are dying" he mentions that he would go sky diving and ride a bull and all that jazz. Does is strike anyone else as odd that we feel like these are things that would make our life complete and fully "lived." Why have we only fully experienced life if we do a set list of risky activities like sky diving and bungee jumping? There's nothing wrong with wanting to do those things but if you could only do a few things where would your priorities lie?

We are encouraged to live everyday like our last and I think we interpret that as we should take risks when really I think it means you should appreciate what you have in this moment, right now.

My family has a habit of always telling each other I love you and hugging and kissing before we part. No matter if you're just going to the grocery store. I never hang up the phone without saying I love you to my parents or any of my siblings. For me living like you are dying means that you can leave the earth right now having said everything you needed to say.

What was the last thing you said to someone you love? Would you be ok if that was the last thing you ever said to them? If not tell them how much they mean to you not because it's the Mayan apocalypse, but because you never know when your last chance to say it will be.

But on the off chance the apocalypse does happen we have our survival packs by the back door!


As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Hayley