Surviving the Holidays Single

For those that are newly single or just facing yet another Christmas/New Years with no one it's not always easy to cope with being alone. Sometimes this leads us to make stupid decisions like not leaving bed for days or dating a crappy guy out of desperation. While I can't magically help you find the love of  your life I guarantee you won't find him at the bottom of a tub of Ben and Jerry's.

Last Christmas break I spent the majority of time in bed surrounded by cats no joke. It was on the fourth day that I hadn't left my room and I was covered in cats, crying because the wedding dress I loved was being discontinued that my parents and sister intervened. They told me that I had to shower because it was sad and just plain gross. My incentive was ice cream. That was definitely a low point I never plan on reaching again so here are my helpful tips to stop you for doing what I did.

#1 Stay busy!

I know that the nice part about break is that you get to relax and maybe sleep in a bit. The only problem is that you can't let sleep be the only thing on your schedule. Try to set a time you have to wake up and things to do so you don't end up in bed till mid-afternoon everyday. Some ideas would be visiting old friends to catch up, going to make new friends, or even just going out to window shop. Anything is better than nothing!

My bed was covered in cats!

#2 Create a support system.

Even if you are away from your best friends over break make sure that you have check in times with them. If you start feeling really blue make sure you have someone that you can call to vent to that will cheer you up.

#3 Dress your best.

I've realized for myself that how I look affects how I feel. If everyday I don't get dressed or put in my contacts or fix my hair I start to feel as sloppy as I look. This isn't to say that you have to be dressed to the nines every time you go to Walmart but at least put on some real pants for heavens sakes.

This was my outfit for most of break.

#4 Don't let relatives get you down.

We all have that aunt or grandma that questions why you are still single which is an instant mood killer. You can't prevent them from asking prying questions, like when my Grandma asked me if I was "into the boy thing right now are not." But we can control how we react to those questions. So instead of getting upset tell the about something else positive and great going on in your life.
Ex. Well I don't have a man in my life but I just got promoted at my job!

#5 Keep things in perspective.

While sometimes you may feel like the only single person left in the world you have to keep in mind that despite what Facebook may tell you, you're not. Chances are you're probably to young and amazing to be worrying about spinsterhood right now. So instead of focusing on how depressing your love life is, work to make you the best you can be.

And remember you have to love yourself before anyone can even have a chance at loving you so use the holiday season for self-improvement rather than self-loathing. Happy holidays!



As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Hayley Kiah

Catfish: Can you love a stranger?

Just another show in MTV's long list of forgettable reality series, Catfish has seemed to have struck a cord with us. Meeting someone online isn't all that hard in our digital age. But the idea of falling in love with them and talking to them for years without proof of who they are sounds a little far fetched.

For those of you that have better things to do than watch MTV and are unaware of what Catfish is, here is a brief summary. Basically it is a show based on connecting long term online lovers. The team comes in and films everything as they investigate their mystery lovers. Then they try to get ahold of them and have them meet in person. Sometimes it's girls pretending to be boys or vice versa, or sometimes they just don't hit it off like they thought they would, on rare occasion it actually works out.

So how can it be possible to be in love with someone you've never met? Or is it even possible? I would have to say that in my opinion I don't think you can really truly be "in love" with someone you haven't physically spent time with. You miss out on all the little unspoken things about them that create the bond of love.

But why then are so many people open to loving strangers they have never met and may never meet? I think it really speaks to the loneliness our generation feels. Are we really that desperate to find love that we are willing to create it with a stranger? Apparently so.

Someone you will never meet can never judge you for you flaws or imperfections. They will only love you for the parts of you that you let them see. It's so much safer than real life. You can place all your hopes and dreams into that person and be relatively confident you won't get hurt.

I'm sure the idea of meeting this person they have created this fantasy with is somewhat appealing. Why else would they go on the show. But often times it seems like there fantasy doesn't match up with reality.

I guess the moral of the story is that we can't let ourselves be so scared of the real world that we choose to live solely in online relationships. Sometimes reality hurts but that's just a chance you have to take to experience real life the way you should.




As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Hayley

Act Like a Man

I'm sure we are all familiar with the old adage, think like a man, act like a lady. But in today's college culture more and more women are changing it to act like a man. We justify our actions by saying we're just doing what all men do to us. There is just one little issue with this life philosophy.

Men don't necessarily do what women think they are doing. 

I will give you a minute to be shocked and let this soak in. Think about what your knowledge of college or any men is (if you are a male this won't really pertain to you). You probably envision a sweet talking, player that's goal is to get in as many girls pants as possible. While this may not be every guy I bet someone came into your head.

Going off this idea that men treat women like things to be conquered, it's easy for a female to justify sleeping around or treating men like objects. We're just doing what guys do right? That makes it ok. I think in a lot of women's heads they believe that they can never be worse than the guys, they're just keeping up and surviving.

The problem with this equation is that we over exaggerate how big of players men are. Take for instance a guy at my school that myself and a lot of the female population believe to be a "man-whore." Being the expert at creating awkward situations that I am, I point blank asked if this was true. He denied up an down that he had been whoring around the school. At first I was skeptical but after a good 45 minutes of interrogating him and his roommates I believed him.

In fact I can think of several other females on this campus that have significantly worse track records than he does. If the most notorious guy on campus really isn't that bad, then what does that mean for us girls?

We do things because we think other people are doing them also and it justifies our actions. But all this seems to have lead to is girls with higher numbers and lower self-esteem.

Maybe it's time we start basing our relationship/sexual choices on what we want not what we think other people are doing or what guys are doing. If you find someone you genuinely care about and who genuinely cares about you, how could you go wrong? Well probably a lot of ways but we'll save that for another day!

As always, stay classy
XOXO

Hayley

Can you be TOO open to love?

Sometimes I think that we want so desperately to not be alone, to find our perfect counterpart that we let that put blinders on us. We let our mission block out everyone around us, the warning signals in our heads, and we rush things.

I am definitely a rusher. I'm not a girl to be cautious or apprehensive about trusting or loving someone and I still have yet to decide whether that's a good or a bad thing.

I feel like I let my heart be open to all the possibilities and opportunities I can because I'm scared that if I don't I'll miss out. That the love of my life will pass me by. But on the flip side you often confuse love with lust and end up getting hurt.

My parents have always taught me that when you fall off the horse you have climb right back on otherwise you will be scared forever. I've applied that same theory to my love life but I wonder if that's right. Maybe if you are to open to love and falling in love you lose sight of when it's actually real.

How do you know it's real love when you feel like it could have been real love with so many others? Can you desensitize yourself to love by trying to love to much?

I'm not really sure, but it's a confusing, scary thought all the same. That we are so scared of missing out that we do miss out because we were looking for some profound signal to tell us when we were in love.

Maybe we all need to stop looking for the flashing neon light and huge signal and just let life take us where it will and see where we end up.

Just some thoughts for you all to chew on!

Stay True XOXO

Hayley

So Cosmo says you're awkward...

So Cosmo says you're awkward, well I ain't down with that.

I really hope for all our sakes that you read that title to the tune of Baby Got Back because that's what was going on in my head when I wrote it.

You may have noticed some recent changes to the blog if you are a former reader. Well congratulations! You get to move with me to a new stage of my life. I've just kind of grown out of Classy in KC. That was really about me finding myself and getting over my past relationship. Now I am all about embracing the girl that I am!

Let me introduce you to Awkward Girl Cosmo. Like most women in their early twenties I am an avid reader of Cosmopolitan to learn everything about how to attract men and keep them. My problem lies in that all of Cosmo's tips and tricks are directed towards women who already have an ability to be naturally sultry anyway. Those girls may be out there, but believe me I'm not one of them.

My concept is to create a version of cosmo's advice that can be applied in real life to actual girls that aren't already sex goddess and that can't remember where each anatomical spot of the alphabet is that we're supposed to be touching.

I've always been told that the thing that makes you most attractive is your confidence. So while I may not be sexy or graceful you better believe I make ever bludder with the upmost confidence in myself that it's ok. Since I've been doing it, it has seemed to work pretty darn well!

While sky high heels, a killer body, and the perfect thing to say can make you feel confident they don't have to be the only things that do.

I encourage you to simply embrace the awkward. 



Stay True,
Hayley XOXO

Doing What YOU Want

I recently had a bit of a life crisis. I turned 21 (YESSS! A post with some interesting pictures later...) and I realized that I was scared to death of my future that's ahead of me. When I move back to Kansas City this August I won't ever be moving back to my hometown probably ever again. I'm also going to be a junior in college so I need to figure out if the major I have chosen is what I really want AND I have been gaining weight (ugh).

So pretty much I had a minor melt down in the office of the pool with my dad who is the best father in the world by the way. He told me that I need to really think about and do what makes me happy and not worry about anything else. 

What really truly and sincerely makes me happy is when I'm teaching swim lessons. I teach about 6 or 7 different kids everyday so I'm super busy but there is no better moment than when a kid you've been working with for years FINALLY swims. I usually cry even though I realize that's ridiculously cheesy and girly. 

But I think working with kids and making them feel like they are important and special is what really makes me happy. My current major is public relations so I'm starting to wonder if that's really what I should be doing. 

I know you all are probably screaming at your screen be a damn teacher duh. Both my parents were Special Ed. teachers and I've always thought I don't want to be like my parents I want to actually make money, blah blah blah. But my parents are actually happy. I mean my father is a 47 year old man that teaches and does swim lessons for a living but he loves it. 

I'm not sure if I'm changing my major yet or if I'll just quit school and become a beach lifeguard for the rest of my life (not really but I wish) or if I'll keep my major and find something to do with it that will make me happy. We'll see. 

But I guess my point is that you shouldn't let what you think you should do tie you down. You shouldn't think that you have to have this big shot career and make a lot of money to be happy. Make your choices based off your passions and you'll figure out how to take care of everything else along the way. 

Break-Up Without the Heart Break

So I'm back to square one again. Turns out it just wasn't meant to be with Mr. Perfect. The timing of our lives was completely horrific for a really serious relationship to happen. Him leaving for the air force so soon means that we don't really have time to actually build the kind of foundation that a relationship needs to last the military experience so remaining close friends seems to suite our situation better.

But as that fleeting moment of bliss passes I find my mind wandering back to the Frat Boy again. If you don't remember him he was the guy I had a brief fling with last school year that wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. Grated we did know he would be gone for literally the entire summer so maybe it was wise not to really start something just yet.

He's part of a prestigious (or so he tells me!) traveling band corps that performs all around the country. But in no time at all we will both be finding ourselves back in Kansas City and single. I don't know what I'm really wanting or expecting to happen.

Not him but what he does!

I mean if he wasn't willing to commit before will that change now? I'm not sure if that was an easy way out of trying to not hurt my feelings or if it was the honest truth. During some of our numerous late night conversations about just about everything I began to get the feeling that maybe he was being truthful. That he is scared to commit because he may get left.... again.

People's backgrounds and histories can define a lot about them and getting to know that a little better now I could understand how that could be scary for him to actually trust someone.

I'm not sure. Maybe he's just being a jerk and really has zero intentions of ever wanting to date me at all but I guess we will just have to wait for the school year to find out. And if so there are plenty of jerks in the sea.... oh wait I mean fish, right?

The bright side to both of these developments in my life if that regardless of what happens romantically I have two close friends that I've gotten to share a lot with and that I genuinely love and care about as friends.

I think myself and my now ex-boyfriend should win some sort of award for best break up ever! I'm getting really talented at these by the way!!

Oh and even though things didn't work out I can still keep myself perfectly entertained without a man in my life and I'm starting to think I may not be done with being single just yet. I rather enjoy flirting and fantasizing about the hot waiter asking me out.