Why fitspo HURTS your fitness goals

For those of you who aren't familiar with the term fitspo, short for fitsporation, it is defined by Urban Dictionary as, "images of active, strong, and fit women that promote proper exercise and diet. May also include images healthy foods." 

Now why would motivational images of healthy people do anything to hinder your fitness goals you might ask? Doesn't it seem like looking at pictures of what you want to achieve, should HELP you be motivated to reach your goals? 

Well at first glance it may seem like a good idea, but in the long run it leaves you feeling inadequate and hopeless, and here's why. 

From Pinterest

1. You will never be someone you're not. 

While images of women that look like goddess may be what you hope to someday be, the plain truth is that it's probably not possible. I'm not particularly overweight, but I fully understand that working out won't make my breast larger or perkier or make my hips fuller. 

How many of these photos that you're finding online are also photoshopped? When you find a picture of a gorgeous woman and decide you're not stopping till you look like that, you set yourself up for failure. After a lot of dieting and working out, even if you are skinner, you're still not ever going to look like that which will make you feel like you failed. 

Rather than inspiring yourself with women you don't know, use your favorite pictures of yourself when you thought you looked great! 


2. Fitspo neglects the fact that you are a human being.

One of my other major beefs with fitspo and most health advice and TV shows is that it ignores the fact that as a human being you do need calories. Most "health" and fitness advice makes it seem as though you need to work off all the calories you consume which is not only unrealistic but dangerously unhealthy. 

Take a look at this info graphic from Women's Health Magazine, a pretty reputable wellness source I would say. But look at what it's telling you. It essentially says that if you eat a donut you have to do 88 minutes of crunches or some silliness. 

While I can agree that yes, glazed donut's are not healthy and have a lot of calories I don't think you should be encouraged to work off exactly the amount of calories you consume. As a part of a normal diet you can eat that donut and still consume a little over 1,200 calories to meet your daily allowance. The idea that you need to punish yourself every time you indulge is ridiculous and will only leave you feeling bad about yourself. 

3. Fitspo doesn't encourage balance.

The final beef (not my last, but the last I will discuss on here) with fitspo is the fact that it treats health and fitness like something you should be thinking about 24-7. If you don't go to the gym today you are a failure, if you eat a hamburger instead of a salad you are a failure. 

This skinny just isn't possible for most of us.

Your health should be a process and a part of your life, but not your whole life. You should be able to enjoy your life and your health rather than consume yourself with working out and dieting. When you start skipping out on social plans for your workouts and let it take over your life you have gone to far. 

The key to a healthy life is balance and moderation, in everything. Including healthy eating and exercise. They shouldn't prevent you from living your life. 

Final Thoughts

So the moral of the story is that being concerned about your health is important but setting unrealistic goals and making it the focus of your entire life goes to far. Being obsessed with fitness and health is just as bad as not being concerned about it at all. 

The best thing to do is to make peace with who you are and understand that it's healthiest state may still not look like Giselle. 


As always, stay classy
XOXO

Hayley

3 Weeks Out

The plane ticket is bought, vaccinations are updated, and papers are signed. Everything is in motion and I can hardly focus on anything but Argentina! I'm a crazy mix of nervous, excited, and anxious to start my adventure over 5,000 miles away from home. In 25 days, I will be leaving the United States for the first time. 

Because I have so many wonderful friends and family that I would like to keep in touch with while I'm gone I thought a blog would be a great way to keep everyone up-to-date on what I'm doing. Plus its part of my requirement for being awarded the Benjamin A. Gilman scholarship (which is awesome!) so I'm killing two birds with one stone so to speak. 

So currently I've been spending all of my time finishing up last minute things I need to do before I leave  the country for 4 months. The list gets a lot longer than you would think! Here are some of the things I'm doing and you should do if you're getting ready to leave:

• Renew all your prescriptions and get enough to last you the whole trip. I'm going to get more contacts so I have plenty for the duration of my time in Argentina.
• Get a haircut! I am really particular about who cuts my hair so I'm going right before I leave to avoid having to find a stylist in Argentina and explaining what I want to be done in a second language. 
• Arrange to pay any bills ahead of time. I have my phone bill set up to pay online so I can easily do it while I'm in South America. 
• Let your bank, phone company, etc know you will be out of the country. This is a major pain in the butt, at least when it comes to the phone company, but you need to let them know you're out of the country to avoid having your accounts frozen or racking up massive charges for being abroad. 
• Find out what essentials you can't get there. So this step is a little more complicated and just requires shifting through some google searches but I have a feeling it will be well worth my time. Depending on where you are going certain things may not be available. Apparently feminine hygiene products and hand sanitizer are more difficult to get in South America so you should bring some with you. That's a pretty good thing to know!
• Read, read, read!! One of the biggest things I've been doing is reading websites and other blogs about Argentinian culture, customs, and tips for traveling safety. 

The hardest part of all of this is that I can't prepare or control what exactly will happen. I have no idea what will happen when I step off that plane in Buenos Aires, but I have a feeling it will be good. 

I'll post again soon about what and how I'm packing for the next 4 months in 1 suitcase, 1 carry-on bag, and 1 backpack. 

Summer Loving: Is it worth the effort?

College has left me in a very complicated situation as to where I can say I live. Depending on the month I can be in Southwest MO, Kansas City, or Buenos Aires, Argentina. And after I graduate next spring I could quite literally be anywhere in the world. So if I do meet someone that seems interesting, where do I tell them I'm living?

The problem with being in a million different places for odd amounts of time is that you have enough time to meet people but not enough to create a substainial relationship that would be worth trying to have through the distance. Maybe my problem is that I'm not meeting people that are worth attempting the distance for but I'm not sure.

So when you're single and home from college is a summer romance really worth it? Well that really depends on a lot of things but here are some questions to ask yourself to help figure it out.

Source

How did you meet this person?

If you met them in a bar at 1AM the chances of this relationship really going places are slim. Even if you are to start developing a relationship outside of an alcohol filled setting, the problem is you both will be questioning the others worth because of your circumstances and a serious relationship may never develop.

If you met during something a little more wholesome or doing something you have a shared interest in. IE: You're both lifeguards at Whitewater for the summer or you workout at the same time every week. Basically you have some kind of common ground to build upon then you're off to a good start.

How much do you like them?

This may seem like a silly question but it's one to consider. If you don't immediately answer A WHOLE LOT then your future is probably questionable. While this may not always be true, I'm a strong believer in first impressions and I think if you aren't intially crazy about a person, you never really will be.

If you do like them A WHOLE LOT then you have to really start thinking about if they are liking you a whole lot also. If they are then great! Get to work on building a stronger relationship for when you're not able to be together.

Source

Is a relationship realistic?

This one more applies to situations of extreme distance, such as international love. Even if you loved this person, would it be possible for you to be together? Would you be able to visit or see each other. This would be for example if you feel in love with someone from say China and they just graduated college and have to go home. They may not be able to get a visa to permantly stay with you or you just may not be able to afford to see them. If your relationship has no foreseeable light at the end of the tunnel it will probably just end in heartbreak.

What are both of your expectations and goals?

For myself, a guy that planned on staying in the Midwest probably just wouldn't be a good fit because I plan on living abroad. But for other people a guy that planned on travel extensively may be an awful fit! It's important to know where you both are going in life. Also do you know what they are expecting out of this relationship? Are they looking for a long term commitment or not? If you have different expectations this can quickly turn into a train wreck.

The most important thing to consider with your potential summer romance or with any budding relationship is to make sure you are on the same page. As awkward as it maybe, you need to find out what they want and make sure that it is what you want also. Plenty of summer romances have turned into great, lasting relationships. It really just depends on the effort you are willing to put in.


As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Hayley

You won't find love in someone's pants.

While it may seem silly, and you might be saying, "Hayley, I'm not stupid I know I won't find love in some persons pants." But secretly you think that you might. Just admit it. Virtually all sexually active women (maybe men also) like to hope to at least some degree that they will actually fall in love with someone they are hooking up with. Knowing that this is wrong isn't anything new to you. But I'm going to give you a new take on why it won't work, other than sex is immoral.

So we're all clear on the fact that sex doesn't equal love, right? If you're not, feel free to refresh yourself on the topic here. Now that we've gotten that all sorted out let's talk about why you can't possibly find love that way but why it's also not necessarily a bad thing.

On second thought, let's check in their pants...

What are your intentions? If you're just looking for a good time there is nothing wrong with casual sex or hooking up outside of a relationship. But if you are looking for a significant other or to fall in love, even secretly deep down inside, just don't do it. You won't find love.

The problem isn't so much that you're cheapening yourself or that you've become dirty somehow by having sex, but rather that you've already put it out there that a relationship is not what you want and they have too.

Even saying the whole, "I never do this!" line won't help you prove that you want a relationship. By having sex or engaging in sexual acts with them you made them think that you are on the same page of not wanting anything more. It's not because they're a douche (though they definitely can be!) it's the fact that you mislead them about what you were looking for.

You also get back, what you give out. When you make yourself seem like an easy, fun time that's all that you will get back in return. There is nothing more annoying than a girl that gets upset when a guy doesn't actually like her AFTER she's already had sex with him. Of course he doesn't want you to be his girlfriend! You didn't act like girlfriend material!! And frankly, you don't want that guy to be your boyfriend either if that's the way he was acting.

This isn't to say that you can't have sex for fun. You totally can, just don't expect them to want anything serious with you afterwards. Just don't have sex (at least at first) with people that you may want a relationship with in the future.

The moral of the story is that there is nothing wrong with sex, just make sure that you put out the same vibes that you are wanting to get back.



As always, stay classy
Hayley

Is the internet killing romance?

One of women's all time favorite things to do is talk about how they wish romance was still like it was in old timey movies. Famous lines from movies like, It's a Wonderful Life, "you want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down," have us starstruck by the sweet, romanticism of it all. While part of the problem is that movies aren't real life, a larger and more solvable problem is that our technological generation is killing the romance.

It's a Wonderful Life

Men don't get a chance to tell us sweet lines like that because often times we have made our decision on what we think of them way before we actually give them a chance. Can our access to virtually all the information we could ever want about a person be the reason there is no more romance in our love lives? I think the answer is yes, for several reasons.

First of all, we no longer "get to know someone" in any kind of traditional sense. With a few quick taps on our keyboard we can know everything about a person, their birthday, favorite color, great aunt, the picture of them in their hometown newspaper when they won a ribbon for participation in a wrestling tournament when they were 8 years old, everything.

Spend a little less time doing this...

The problem with this is that when we learn about someone through a computer or phone screen we miss out on all the best stuff. We don't get to hear the funny story that goes along with newspaper clipping. We don't get to hear why their past relationship didn't work out from them. An electronic device can't show you the way they snort when they recall a good memory or the pain still present when talking about a family pet that passed. You miss out on so much.

Not only do you miss out learning more about them you either fall in love with or dislike someone based on their online profile. Someone can seem perfect for you through the lens of what they choice to post and write about themselves, but it can't show you the real them. It can also cause you to not give them a chance because you think you know something about them, without letting them offer an explanation.

Those are just the major issues that come up. We haven't even talked about accidentally bringing up a personal fact they haven't told you yet or the fact that you miss out on all the excitement.

... More time doing this.

So the point that knowledge is power. It's great to know a little something about someone before you devote time to them. But at what cost? The next time you meet a new guy or gal instead of heading straight to their facebook to analyze every girl that's posted on their wall in the past year or try and decide if that's their sister or an ex-girlfriend, stop and think about what you're doing.

Part of the fun of dating is the discovery. Finding out bit by bit about someone new. Romance lies in the mystery of not knowing all the facts. Googling someone is like starting a new book at the ending, which you just should never do. So unless you are one of those horrible people that read the endings of books first, resist the urge to google and let the romance thrive.


As always, stay classy
XOXO

Hayley

Let's Talk About Sex

Let's talk about sex baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and 

the bad things that may be.

Being in a relatively progressive college sometimes makes me forget about how little sex was talked about before I was in college. The good, the bad, I didn't know much besides that it was evil. As the gym teacher in Mean Girls puts it, "if you have sex you WILL get pregnant and you WILL die." While they were exaggerating a bit for humor that's pretty similar to the sex education I received in High School and that a lot of other people did to. Not only did this damage me in not understanding some very important fundamentals of life but it took away my choice to make good decisions about my sex life. 

What we're taught.

So sex is bad. We got it. But just because that's what we were taught it doesn't mean that we aren't still having sex. We're just having it uninformed about how to do it safely or at the right time. I am understand the firm belief that abstinence only training has not only ignored how to have safe sex but has made it so shameful to actually discuss that no one wants to talk about issues like choosing the right persons to have sex with, when to do it, how to do, etc. 

The argument is always that if you aren't mature enough to discuss it you shouldn't be having it. But sometimes it's not an issue of maturity. I'm a pretty mature person for my age but the words penis and vagina make me cringe (just cringed typing that). It's not something that you should be able to say in public, or so my school system taught me. The discuss of masturbation makes me blush redder than a tomato, and that's discussing it with girls, don't even get me started on talking about it with boys. 

By being taught that our bodies and sexual urges are something we should be ashamed of we never get to the point where we are comfortable enough to discuss it with our sexual partners, maybe ever. But we still have sex with people and then end up confused when things happen that we don't understand. Maybe your partner has trouble getting turned on or get off but there is NO WAY IN HELL you could ever talk with them about it much less someone else to solve the problem. 

Though a lot of these things make me cringe I would still say I'm a pretty liberal person when it comes to talking about sex. I have a tendency to make a lot of people uncomfortable by simply saying what I'm thinking in mixed company (aka with boys and girls). This openness is something I learned on my own. In high school I was literally told that touching boys at all made you a slut. 

Even though I still have a little ways to go in leaving the stigmas about sexuality behind, I think that not being "afraid" of talking about sex has helped me make more responsible choices and have a more gratifying sex life. 

Sex happens. It's how we all go here so why are we so freaked out by it. Teaching people that abstinence is the only way creates many more problems than it fixes. You should be able to have the choice to have sex or wait and do it with whoever you want. We should be telling people how to do it the right way not shaming them for doing it all. 

As always, stay classy

XOXO

Hayley Kiah 

Happy World Down Syndrome Day!

In case you didn't know today is World Down Syndrome Day, yay!! The reasoning behind choosing March 21st is that it is honoring the 21st chromosome that causes down syndrome. This day is especially close to my heart because my big sister Emy Jo has down syndrome.

Being goofy, as usual!

Warning: I'm about to get really mushy gushy on you but you should enjoy it!

On occasion when I say that I have a sister with down syndrome people apologize and tell me how sorry they are, which honestly just makes me laugh. Sorry? Why on earth should you be sorry it is easily one of the best blessing I've ever been given in my life.

Emy has contributed enormously to shaping the person that I am and the dynamics of my whole family.   Among the great things she has taught me such as being patient (you need A LOT of patience with her), being responsible, being aware of how amazing my parents truly are, she has shown us how to live a life of perpetual innocence.

Emy's favorite person Jale.

She has been blessed with the ability to never see anything wrong in the world. Emy has never meant a bad person and she doesn't really understand that anyone can be a bad person. How amazing must it be to not judge anyone or have any ability to be jaded from the cruelty of the world. Emy loves everyone equally and whole heartedly and I think she has taught us how to do the same.

But, Emy wouldn't be the amazing person she is without my incredible parents. Honestly, and I'm not just saying this, my parents are the most generous, wonderful people in the whole world. They do so much and sacrifice so much for all of us. They couldn't have done a better job with Emy or the rest of us.

Okay, I'm done being all mushy now but truly I wouldn't be the person I am without Emy and I wouldn't even want to imagine what life would have been like without her. So have a great day and remember to never take for granted the blessing you are given no matter how they are packaged.

So I will leave you with the worlds cutest picture ever.


As always, stay classy
XOXO

Hayley Kiah

Baby brother