Can you be TOO open to love?

Sometimes I think that we want so desperately to not be alone, to find our perfect counterpart that we let that put blinders on us. We let our mission block out everyone around us, the warning signals in our heads, and we rush things.

I am definitely a rusher. I'm not a girl to be cautious or apprehensive about trusting or loving someone and I still have yet to decide whether that's a good or a bad thing.

I feel like I let my heart be open to all the possibilities and opportunities I can because I'm scared that if I don't I'll miss out. That the love of my life will pass me by. But on the flip side you often confuse love with lust and end up getting hurt.

My parents have always taught me that when you fall off the horse you have climb right back on otherwise you will be scared forever. I've applied that same theory to my love life but I wonder if that's right. Maybe if you are to open to love and falling in love you lose sight of when it's actually real.

How do you know it's real love when you feel like it could have been real love with so many others? Can you desensitize yourself to love by trying to love to much?

I'm not really sure, but it's a confusing, scary thought all the same. That we are so scared of missing out that we do miss out because we were looking for some profound signal to tell us when we were in love.

Maybe we all need to stop looking for the flashing neon light and huge signal and just let life take us where it will and see where we end up.

Just some thoughts for you all to chew on!

Stay True XOXO

Hayley

So Cosmo says you're awkward...

So Cosmo says you're awkward, well I ain't down with that.

I really hope for all our sakes that you read that title to the tune of Baby Got Back because that's what was going on in my head when I wrote it.

You may have noticed some recent changes to the blog if you are a former reader. Well congratulations! You get to move with me to a new stage of my life. I've just kind of grown out of Classy in KC. That was really about me finding myself and getting over my past relationship. Now I am all about embracing the girl that I am!

Let me introduce you to Awkward Girl Cosmo. Like most women in their early twenties I am an avid reader of Cosmopolitan to learn everything about how to attract men and keep them. My problem lies in that all of Cosmo's tips and tricks are directed towards women who already have an ability to be naturally sultry anyway. Those girls may be out there, but believe me I'm not one of them.

My concept is to create a version of cosmo's advice that can be applied in real life to actual girls that aren't already sex goddess and that can't remember where each anatomical spot of the alphabet is that we're supposed to be touching.

I've always been told that the thing that makes you most attractive is your confidence. So while I may not be sexy or graceful you better believe I make ever bludder with the upmost confidence in myself that it's ok. Since I've been doing it, it has seemed to work pretty darn well!

While sky high heels, a killer body, and the perfect thing to say can make you feel confident they don't have to be the only things that do.

I encourage you to simply embrace the awkward. 



Stay True,
Hayley XOXO

Doing What YOU Want

I recently had a bit of a life crisis. I turned 21 (YESSS! A post with some interesting pictures later...) and I realized that I was scared to death of my future that's ahead of me. When I move back to Kansas City this August I won't ever be moving back to my hometown probably ever again. I'm also going to be a junior in college so I need to figure out if the major I have chosen is what I really want AND I have been gaining weight (ugh).

So pretty much I had a minor melt down in the office of the pool with my dad who is the best father in the world by the way. He told me that I need to really think about and do what makes me happy and not worry about anything else. 

What really truly and sincerely makes me happy is when I'm teaching swim lessons. I teach about 6 or 7 different kids everyday so I'm super busy but there is no better moment than when a kid you've been working with for years FINALLY swims. I usually cry even though I realize that's ridiculously cheesy and girly. 

But I think working with kids and making them feel like they are important and special is what really makes me happy. My current major is public relations so I'm starting to wonder if that's really what I should be doing. 

I know you all are probably screaming at your screen be a damn teacher duh. Both my parents were Special Ed. teachers and I've always thought I don't want to be like my parents I want to actually make money, blah blah blah. But my parents are actually happy. I mean my father is a 47 year old man that teaches and does swim lessons for a living but he loves it. 

I'm not sure if I'm changing my major yet or if I'll just quit school and become a beach lifeguard for the rest of my life (not really but I wish) or if I'll keep my major and find something to do with it that will make me happy. We'll see. 

But I guess my point is that you shouldn't let what you think you should do tie you down. You shouldn't think that you have to have this big shot career and make a lot of money to be happy. Make your choices based off your passions and you'll figure out how to take care of everything else along the way. 

Break-Up Without the Heart Break

So I'm back to square one again. Turns out it just wasn't meant to be with Mr. Perfect. The timing of our lives was completely horrific for a really serious relationship to happen. Him leaving for the air force so soon means that we don't really have time to actually build the kind of foundation that a relationship needs to last the military experience so remaining close friends seems to suite our situation better.

But as that fleeting moment of bliss passes I find my mind wandering back to the Frat Boy again. If you don't remember him he was the guy I had a brief fling with last school year that wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. Grated we did know he would be gone for literally the entire summer so maybe it was wise not to really start something just yet.

He's part of a prestigious (or so he tells me!) traveling band corps that performs all around the country. But in no time at all we will both be finding ourselves back in Kansas City and single. I don't know what I'm really wanting or expecting to happen.

Not him but what he does!

I mean if he wasn't willing to commit before will that change now? I'm not sure if that was an easy way out of trying to not hurt my feelings or if it was the honest truth. During some of our numerous late night conversations about just about everything I began to get the feeling that maybe he was being truthful. That he is scared to commit because he may get left.... again.

People's backgrounds and histories can define a lot about them and getting to know that a little better now I could understand how that could be scary for him to actually trust someone.

I'm not sure. Maybe he's just being a jerk and really has zero intentions of ever wanting to date me at all but I guess we will just have to wait for the school year to find out. And if so there are plenty of jerks in the sea.... oh wait I mean fish, right?

The bright side to both of these developments in my life if that regardless of what happens romantically I have two close friends that I've gotten to share a lot with and that I genuinely love and care about as friends.

I think myself and my now ex-boyfriend should win some sort of award for best break up ever! I'm getting really talented at these by the way!!

Oh and even though things didn't work out I can still keep myself perfectly entertained without a man in my life and I'm starting to think I may not be done with being single just yet. I rather enjoy flirting and fantasizing about the hot waiter asking me out.

Officially a military girlfriend.

So R (the boy) told me tonight that he's going to have to do his basic training in August. He's in the Air Guard which to my understanding is like the Air Force Reserve I think. Honestly, I'd never heard of it before he told me about it.

I'm not sure how exactly I feel other than slightly overwhelmed. It's becoming real now. I mean I knew he was in the military but that seemed to be a very abstract concept to me before and now it's becoming real, with real dates and him really leaving. I feel like I've just gotten him and even though August may seem far off it's still to soon.

This whole long distance thing is new to me as is the military thing. It's not that any of it is an issue for me because I completely believe he is worth dealing with any distance or restrictions but it's all kind of scary and I think it's just because I don't know anything.

I don't even know what questions to ask or what it is that I don't know. He has grown up in a military family whereas I have grown up with my only military experience being history class and a class field trip to a military museum.

It's never a position I ever thought I would be in because honestly I've always said I wasn't into the "military thing." (Sorry if you're reading this R, please don't take that in a bad way!) It just seemed like you were adding extract challenges to your relationship that could be avoided. Why not pick a guy that you know will always be in one place and will always be doing boring stuff. It seemed simple.

The problem is that you don't "pick a guy." You can't help who you end up falling for and what type of  life style they are going to choose. You get lucky enough to find someone you think you just can't live without and then you take on anything else about their lives and make it work because they're worth waiting for.

I guess what scares me is that I don't have control of the situation. All my life I have know exactly where I will be, exactly what I will be doing, and exactly where I will be going. R comes from a completely different life of spontaneity and adventuring into the unknown.

I'm a little nervous but I'm also kind of excited. I think that it will be good for me to learn to let go of my ridged life style and embrace the unknown.

Crazy how blogging about something can make you feel so much better about it! 


Are any of my readers military girlfriends or wives that have dealt with the same experience?

Closing the Lid

This will be my final post concerning my ex-boyfriend and I hope maybe it will help me finally close the lid on this relationship that has been haunting me the past 10 months or so.

As I've mentioned previously never for a moment have I doubted my decision to leave. It has left me more happy than I ever imagined and I could be on my own. And it has also lead me to my current relationship with a boy I couldn't imagine being without now.

But it has also left me scarred in ways I never realized I could be. These scars have helped me to see more clearly what it is that I really want with my life and with my next relationship.

Myself and both of my beautiful sisters.

I don't think my current boyfriend or probably anyone will be able to fully understand how special it is to me that my sister is back in my life. My biggest problem with my ex, among many other things was that he hated my sister passionately. I promised myself that the next guy would at least be indifferent and that's all I was really hoping for.

But my new boy wants to get to know my sister and welcomes her into our relationship. In fact we had a group conversation on the phone two nights ago (how sweet is that!). It honestly makes me want to cry to think how wonderful it is.

Though issues with my sister weren't the only damages from my past relationship. I find myself surprised when my boyfriend doesn't care that my best friend is a boy or that I have a lot of guy friends that I like to hang out with. He trusts me. It's strange. I'm not used to having someone just trust that I will do the right thing, which I almost always will.

I've been so used to keeping secrets. So many secrets it was difficult to keep up. Lying about going out to see my sister, lying about how late I stayed out with my friends, or lying about how much money I spent on shoes.

source

It's so refreshing to not have to lie anymore. It is like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My relationship is no longer a burden to bear. It's enjoyable!

Now I think I have pretty legitimate reasons to hate my ex-boyfriend for all of the emotional abuse and control he held over me. But truly I am done with being mad. I'm done feeling sorry for him.

I think I am finally ready to let it all go. Let go of the anger, the fear, sympathy, the regret. I'm ready to start new and fresh and I don't think I could have picked any better of a person to start new with!

Monday Man-Off: True Blood

This weeks Monday Man-Off is between the True Blood leading men that Sookie is currently caught up in a love triangle with. Her dilemia is understandable considering both men are absolutely gorgeous and not just because they're vampires but because they are just hot guys in general. Our battle is between the wise and careful Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) and the cruel but oh so delicious Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard).

Let's start with Bill, Sookies original and true love. He is wise, but not beyond his years because he is actually really old. Stephen Moyer who plays Bill is in real life a handsome and charming man. He has that certain something about him that makes you feel like you can trust him and just let him take care of you.

His opponent Eric plays the not so nice character. He's really quite a jerk and does a lot of really bad things to Sookie until he loses his memory and suddenly is incredibly sweet. Alexander Skarsgard who plays Eric is Swedish, super tall, and definitely not hard to look at. I think the European thing is really working for him with me.

So if you are a True Blood fan and understand the show I would say that I vote for Bill because he is stable and the overall better choice for Sookie (played by Anna Paquin). But in real life and if we go purely off of physical appearance Eric wins hands down. He looks like a fun guy. A gorgeous I would stand there gaping at him if I saw him in real life gorgeous so he's my winner for this Monday.

Who would you pick??