Break-Up Without the Heart Break

So I'm back to square one again. Turns out it just wasn't meant to be with Mr. Perfect. The timing of our lives was completely horrific for a really serious relationship to happen. Him leaving for the air force so soon means that we don't really have time to actually build the kind of foundation that a relationship needs to last the military experience so remaining close friends seems to suite our situation better.

But as that fleeting moment of bliss passes I find my mind wandering back to the Frat Boy again. If you don't remember him he was the guy I had a brief fling with last school year that wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. Grated we did know he would be gone for literally the entire summer so maybe it was wise not to really start something just yet.

He's part of a prestigious (or so he tells me!) traveling band corps that performs all around the country. But in no time at all we will both be finding ourselves back in Kansas City and single. I don't know what I'm really wanting or expecting to happen.

Not him but what he does!

I mean if he wasn't willing to commit before will that change now? I'm not sure if that was an easy way out of trying to not hurt my feelings or if it was the honest truth. During some of our numerous late night conversations about just about everything I began to get the feeling that maybe he was being truthful. That he is scared to commit because he may get left.... again.

People's backgrounds and histories can define a lot about them and getting to know that a little better now I could understand how that could be scary for him to actually trust someone.

I'm not sure. Maybe he's just being a jerk and really has zero intentions of ever wanting to date me at all but I guess we will just have to wait for the school year to find out. And if so there are plenty of jerks in the sea.... oh wait I mean fish, right?

The bright side to both of these developments in my life if that regardless of what happens romantically I have two close friends that I've gotten to share a lot with and that I genuinely love and care about as friends.

I think myself and my now ex-boyfriend should win some sort of award for best break up ever! I'm getting really talented at these by the way!!

Oh and even though things didn't work out I can still keep myself perfectly entertained without a man in my life and I'm starting to think I may not be done with being single just yet. I rather enjoy flirting and fantasizing about the hot waiter asking me out.

How to break-up: Words of Advice

Not all relationship work. In fact many many relationships fail before you find the one that will last forever. If I can say anything positive about my past relationship it's that while we may not have been terrific at the whole relationship thing we were great at the break up. But to be fair there were some more actual positive things about it just not enough. 

Breaking up isn't easy and never will be easy but I think there are definitely ways to make a break up go more smoothly and thus not hurt yourself or the other person anymore that you have too. 

First of all make sure it's the decision you want to make and you are ready to make it. Trying to leave a relationship that you are not quite done with makes for a messy, nasty ending that hurts you way more than necessary. For myself personally I knew in the back of my mind I was going to leave my boyfriend for almost a year before I was finally ready to let our relationship go. 

Second, once you make the break you have to cut off all contact. NO EXCEPTIONS. After I left my ex we decided to "still be friends" and ended up talking more the next two days then we did in our relationship. There is no way you can grieve a relationship and move on if you are still talking with them and updating yourself on their life. 

That means no calling, texting, facebooking, tweeting, IM'ing, skyping, smoke signaling whatever. You have to eliminate them from your life at least until all the major emotions are gone. 

Third, resist the urge to bad mouth and put all your dirty laundry out there for the world. This should go without saying but we all know people that do it and have probably done it ourselves. Updated our status about how terrible they were or how crushed we are. This is not only immature but it just gives your ex reason to think you still care and a reason to talk to you. In the long run keeping all this drama to yourself will help you heal much better. 

While no break up will ever be easy or painless not making it harder on yourself can make it much easier to get over the relationship and move on with your life. 

What you DIDN'T do wrong.

I recently had a conversation about how upset girls get when a guy breaks up with them or doesn't want to see them anymore. The question that comes to mind is always "What did I do wrong?" or "How could I have fixed this?"

Most often though, at least in his opinion, they did absolutely nothing wrong. He says that the saying it's not you, it's me, can apply in a lot of cases. 

To Cute!!!

When we first met someone we instantly make a judgement about them whether we want to or not. We decide if we like the way they look or the way they talk or laugh. From there we begin to break everything else down. The way they hold their fork. The way they try to open packages by pulling them apart instead of just tearing them open. (These are real reasons he has been annoyed by girls!)

We can't help but find all the little things that just bug us. We do this with everyone regardless of if it's someone we are romantically interested in or not something about everyone annoys you. 

The problem is most of the time people aren't going to tell you what these annoyances are. They will tell you it's just bad timing, they're to busy, they just don't think your personalities are compatible. When really it may of just been some weird thing that annoyed the other person and it was nothing you could really do about it. 

So I guess when the time comes that someone just doesn't feel you like you are feeling them you shouldn't be asking yourself. What was it that I did wrong? Was it the text I sent at 6AM that said my life would be incomplete without you? Or was it the fact that I call his mom everyday without him know? 

Ok I was just kidding about those. But chances are there is no need to beat yourself up about what is wrong with you because it is probably something wrong with HIM. So just let it go and find someone that may have 10 things they hate that you do but 100 things they love that make them stay. 

As Always, Stay Classy

XOXO

Hayley

Dear Former Boyfriend

I wrote this one week after my break-up. It makes me so happy to know that I was this sure of myself and that I still feel the exact same way. I just thought it would be nice to share with you all. 

Dear Former Boyfriend,

I loved you and I was willing to be with you the rest of my life… IF you could change just a few things. But those few things are who you are and what if I don’t like the person you become.

Even though you took away so much from me; my family, friends, most importantly my self-worth I do not hate you. I hope that you gained from me as much as you took.

Realizing that you were not my burden to bear was the most freeing feeling in the world. I am free to be myself, love myself, love whoever I want too. I just want to thank you for teaching me who I am and what I want out of this life. Though it is so much more than you could ever offer me.

Good bye forever,

Freed Spirit

It's Not Over

It's not over, it's not over. It's never over. Unless you let it take you. It's not over, it's not over. It's never over. Unless you let it break you. 

- Secondhand Serenade

Source

I literally listened to this song on repeat for days underneath my fuzzy pink blanket when I broke up with my first boyfriend. It really makes me think about if it is ever really over. Do we ever completely fall out of love with someone? And if so does that mean that we never truly loved them in the first place?

Looking back on my past relationship I think about all the promises that were made. The promise to never leave, to never stop loving. At the time it felt so real and it was an honest promise. But in retrospect it makes me wonder if I'm still continuing to keep this promise or if I always knew all along that I really wouldn't keep it.

I'm at that point in singledom where I'm over the boy but not yet over the relationship. Spending three years of your life with someone is difficult to erase from your memory. Some mornings I wake up and I forget that we're not together anymore. Or I have a dream that we're together and he's changed.

It's funny how falling in love happens so quickly while falling back out of love takes so much time and effort. I guess that's because were love easy and are always fearful of letting go, even of bad things.

I remembered learning in school that you should never touch something hot with palm because your muscles reaction to heat is to close around it. Bad relationships are like that. Even though it hurts it's so hard to let go of them because it's your reaction to hold on.

The lesson to be learned here is that your burns from holding on may never truly heal. You will always be left with scars but we learn to get over them as much as we can and love someone else. The memories of past loves will always linger but we grow from them and become stronger in the future.

Just my daily rant for the day!! Made me feel better to get it out.



As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Classy