How to break-up: Words of Advice

Not all relationship work. In fact many many relationships fail before you find the one that will last forever. If I can say anything positive about my past relationship it's that while we may not have been terrific at the whole relationship thing we were great at the break up. But to be fair there were some more actual positive things about it just not enough. 

Breaking up isn't easy and never will be easy but I think there are definitely ways to make a break up go more smoothly and thus not hurt yourself or the other person anymore that you have too. 

First of all make sure it's the decision you want to make and you are ready to make it. Trying to leave a relationship that you are not quite done with makes for a messy, nasty ending that hurts you way more than necessary. For myself personally I knew in the back of my mind I was going to leave my boyfriend for almost a year before I was finally ready to let our relationship go. 

Second, once you make the break you have to cut off all contact. NO EXCEPTIONS. After I left my ex we decided to "still be friends" and ended up talking more the next two days then we did in our relationship. There is no way you can grieve a relationship and move on if you are still talking with them and updating yourself on their life. 

That means no calling, texting, facebooking, tweeting, IM'ing, skyping, smoke signaling whatever. You have to eliminate them from your life at least until all the major emotions are gone. 

Third, resist the urge to bad mouth and put all your dirty laundry out there for the world. This should go without saying but we all know people that do it and have probably done it ourselves. Updated our status about how terrible they were or how crushed we are. This is not only immature but it just gives your ex reason to think you still care and a reason to talk to you. In the long run keeping all this drama to yourself will help you heal much better. 

While no break up will ever be easy or painless not making it harder on yourself can make it much easier to get over the relationship and move on with your life. 

Dear Former Boyfriend

I wrote this one week after my break-up. It makes me so happy to know that I was this sure of myself and that I still feel the exact same way. I just thought it would be nice to share with you all. 

Dear Former Boyfriend,

I loved you and I was willing to be with you the rest of my life… IF you could change just a few things. But those few things are who you are and what if I don’t like the person you become.

Even though you took away so much from me; my family, friends, most importantly my self-worth I do not hate you. I hope that you gained from me as much as you took.

Realizing that you were not my burden to bear was the most freeing feeling in the world. I am free to be myself, love myself, love whoever I want too. I just want to thank you for teaching me who I am and what I want out of this life. Though it is so much more than you could ever offer me.

Good bye forever,

Freed Spirit

Say the Word: Abusive Relationships

Relationships are messing and difficult because there are no standards for what is right and what is wrong.  When does it stop being love and become control? This is a question I repeatedly asked myself for the duration of my three year relationship. Let me tell you. If you question that you may be in an unhealthy relationship then you are.

You should NEVER have to question real love.

I count myself lucky in that I was not in a physically abusive relationship but the fact that it wasn't made it difficult to see how wrong it really was. "He didn't hit me. That means he's not abusing me. Right?" Completely and utterly wrong. Sometimes we forget to mention that abuse can also be emotional.

If someone makes you feel bad about yourself or feel like you need to stay with them because you are lucky that they are even with a person like you. Then you need to run away, fast.

Looking back I ask myself why the hell did I stay so long! There were so many classic signs of abuse: putting you down, separating you from your family and friends, controlling every single minor detail of your life down to how you spend your money and where you go. I knew in my heart that this was wrong, so very very wrong.

Here's what I think the problem was. Everyone say what was going on: my friends, my family, my teachers, hell even his family! And while they all were sympathetic to me not one person ever said the word. No one said you are being abused.

You are in an ABUSIVE relationship. 

I think just anyone saying that out loud would have changed so much. They said it after the fact but no one wanted to "hurt my feelings." But screw my feelings at that point they were already being hurt, ran over with a semi truck.

So I beg you if you see someone in a relationship that you know is wrong please say something. Please say the word, abusive. They may not want to hear it. They may get angry at you. They'll probably deny it but you will plant the seed and justify what they are thinking.

If you think you maybe in an abusive relationship please run away as fast as you can. I'd love to help you get through it because I've been there. Just email me at classyinkc@yahoo.com.

Sorry for getting on my soap box but it's something that needed to be said and I hope maybe this can help someone out there.


As Always, Keep it Classy



XOXO
Classy

The Mess Left Behind

Today while perusing Facebook photos of everyones New Years Eve parties I noticed photos of my ex-boyfriend having a great time with some of my close friends. This puts me into an awkward dilema that shockingly I haven't been put into until now.

First I'll give you some background history on this whole mess. The break up happened nearly four months ago and was a relatively clean break for a three year relationship. While we were dating we had basically all of the same friends which was how we got together in the first place.

So in a break-up who get custody of the friends you shared? And is it wrong is your friends don't pick a side and stay in contact with both sides?

I'm not really sure what the answer to either of these questions are but it's really left me between a rock and a hard place.

I will say that I was at a different party enjoying myself with my sister and some other friends. But the friends that had the party with my ex didn't even invite me or mention anything about NYE to me. We have all hung out the last 5 new years eves and this time they don't even bother to ask if I was interested in coming or tell me that my ex will be there with them.

Forcing them to choose sides really isn't fair to them but truthfully I thought they had chosen my side!!

For the time being I don't think I'm going to do anything about it. Christmas break is almost over so hopefully I won't have to have any run-ins with him and I can just this whole mess in the past.

What do you think about my situation?? If you have an opinion leave me a comment or email your thoughts to me at classyinkc@yahoo.com


As always, Keep it Classy


XOXO
Classy