Closing the Lid

This will be my final post concerning my ex-boyfriend and I hope maybe it will help me finally close the lid on this relationship that has been haunting me the past 10 months or so.

As I've mentioned previously never for a moment have I doubted my decision to leave. It has left me more happy than I ever imagined and I could be on my own. And it has also lead me to my current relationship with a boy I couldn't imagine being without now.

But it has also left me scarred in ways I never realized I could be. These scars have helped me to see more clearly what it is that I really want with my life and with my next relationship.

Myself and both of my beautiful sisters.

I don't think my current boyfriend or probably anyone will be able to fully understand how special it is to me that my sister is back in my life. My biggest problem with my ex, among many other things was that he hated my sister passionately. I promised myself that the next guy would at least be indifferent and that's all I was really hoping for.

But my new boy wants to get to know my sister and welcomes her into our relationship. In fact we had a group conversation on the phone two nights ago (how sweet is that!). It honestly makes me want to cry to think how wonderful it is.

Though issues with my sister weren't the only damages from my past relationship. I find myself surprised when my boyfriend doesn't care that my best friend is a boy or that I have a lot of guy friends that I like to hang out with. He trusts me. It's strange. I'm not used to having someone just trust that I will do the right thing, which I almost always will.

I've been so used to keeping secrets. So many secrets it was difficult to keep up. Lying about going out to see my sister, lying about how late I stayed out with my friends, or lying about how much money I spent on shoes.

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It's so refreshing to not have to lie anymore. It is like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My relationship is no longer a burden to bear. It's enjoyable!

Now I think I have pretty legitimate reasons to hate my ex-boyfriend for all of the emotional abuse and control he held over me. But truly I am done with being mad. I'm done feeling sorry for him.

I think I am finally ready to let it all go. Let go of the anger, the fear, sympathy, the regret. I'm ready to start new and fresh and I don't think I could have picked any better of a person to start new with!

Forgive and Forget: Part 2

Sorry for it taking so long for me to write this post!


So my previous post was all about how we hurt ourselves by not letting go of the past and forgiving people. Today I want to talk about what forgiveness does for you not that it's not good for the other person too.

By complete coincidence this happened to be the priests sermon today which was crazy that it was exactly what I was thinking about already. It was really cool like he was talking straight to me.

Via Pinterest

The most striking line to me of his whole sermon was when he talked about how you have to open your hand to receive love. But you can't receive it unless you let go of what is in your hand already. All your anger and resentment. As long as we hold onto grudges and bad feelings we can't ever accept love or feelings from someone else.

I think a big misconception about forgiveness is that someone has to ask for it or that you're doing it for the other person. Really forgiveness is about making things right in your own heart not necessarily theirs, even though that would be a bonus.

For myself I forgive by trying to justify what the other person did. I tell myself it wasn't personal or that they were influenced by another factor that made them the way they are.

For instance I forgive my ex for everything he did to me because that's the way his Dad acts and that's the way he was raised to treat women. I'm not saying it was right but I think in his mind it didn't seem wrong.

But what I ask myself after I do all this justification is why? I don't need to make excuses for anyone else or try to make them out to be a better person. I should forgive them because I am the better person. I can be the adult in the situation.

Truly what it comes down to is being an adult and caring enough about yourself that you don't need to continue being upset or angry at someone.

So I challenge you all to let go of whatever you may be holding onto to. You can do it openly through a comment or if you'd feel more comfortable shoot me an email about how you are letting go of a grudge (classyinkc@yahoo.com). Or just do it on your own!

Just remember you are letting go for YOU.

PS. Don't you love my new signature!! Halle over at Classic+Glam made it for me!