Summer Loving: Is it worth the effort?

College has left me in a very complicated situation as to where I can say I live. Depending on the month I can be in Southwest MO, Kansas City, or Buenos Aires, Argentina. And after I graduate next spring I could quite literally be anywhere in the world. So if I do meet someone that seems interesting, where do I tell them I'm living?

The problem with being in a million different places for odd amounts of time is that you have enough time to meet people but not enough to create a substainial relationship that would be worth trying to have through the distance. Maybe my problem is that I'm not meeting people that are worth attempting the distance for but I'm not sure.

So when you're single and home from college is a summer romance really worth it? Well that really depends on a lot of things but here are some questions to ask yourself to help figure it out.

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How did you meet this person?

If you met them in a bar at 1AM the chances of this relationship really going places are slim. Even if you are to start developing a relationship outside of an alcohol filled setting, the problem is you both will be questioning the others worth because of your circumstances and a serious relationship may never develop.

If you met during something a little more wholesome or doing something you have a shared interest in. IE: You're both lifeguards at Whitewater for the summer or you workout at the same time every week. Basically you have some kind of common ground to build upon then you're off to a good start.

How much do you like them?

This may seem like a silly question but it's one to consider. If you don't immediately answer A WHOLE LOT then your future is probably questionable. While this may not always be true, I'm a strong believer in first impressions and I think if you aren't intially crazy about a person, you never really will be.

If you do like them A WHOLE LOT then you have to really start thinking about if they are liking you a whole lot also. If they are then great! Get to work on building a stronger relationship for when you're not able to be together.

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Is a relationship realistic?

This one more applies to situations of extreme distance, such as international love. Even if you loved this person, would it be possible for you to be together? Would you be able to visit or see each other. This would be for example if you feel in love with someone from say China and they just graduated college and have to go home. They may not be able to get a visa to permantly stay with you or you just may not be able to afford to see them. If your relationship has no foreseeable light at the end of the tunnel it will probably just end in heartbreak.

What are both of your expectations and goals?

For myself, a guy that planned on staying in the Midwest probably just wouldn't be a good fit because I plan on living abroad. But for other people a guy that planned on travel extensively may be an awful fit! It's important to know where you both are going in life. Also do you know what they are expecting out of this relationship? Are they looking for a long term commitment or not? If you have different expectations this can quickly turn into a train wreck.

The most important thing to consider with your potential summer romance or with any budding relationship is to make sure you are on the same page. As awkward as it maybe, you need to find out what they want and make sure that it is what you want also. Plenty of summer romances have turned into great, lasting relationships. It really just depends on the effort you are willing to put in.


As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Hayley

Officially a military girlfriend.

So R (the boy) told me tonight that he's going to have to do his basic training in August. He's in the Air Guard which to my understanding is like the Air Force Reserve I think. Honestly, I'd never heard of it before he told me about it.

I'm not sure how exactly I feel other than slightly overwhelmed. It's becoming real now. I mean I knew he was in the military but that seemed to be a very abstract concept to me before and now it's becoming real, with real dates and him really leaving. I feel like I've just gotten him and even though August may seem far off it's still to soon.

This whole long distance thing is new to me as is the military thing. It's not that any of it is an issue for me because I completely believe he is worth dealing with any distance or restrictions but it's all kind of scary and I think it's just because I don't know anything.

I don't even know what questions to ask or what it is that I don't know. He has grown up in a military family whereas I have grown up with my only military experience being history class and a class field trip to a military museum.

It's never a position I ever thought I would be in because honestly I've always said I wasn't into the "military thing." (Sorry if you're reading this R, please don't take that in a bad way!) It just seemed like you were adding extract challenges to your relationship that could be avoided. Why not pick a guy that you know will always be in one place and will always be doing boring stuff. It seemed simple.

The problem is that you don't "pick a guy." You can't help who you end up falling for and what type of  life style they are going to choose. You get lucky enough to find someone you think you just can't live without and then you take on anything else about their lives and make it work because they're worth waiting for.

I guess what scares me is that I don't have control of the situation. All my life I have know exactly where I will be, exactly what I will be doing, and exactly where I will be going. R comes from a completely different life of spontaneity and adventuring into the unknown.

I'm a little nervous but I'm also kind of excited. I think that it will be good for me to learn to let go of my ridged life style and embrace the unknown.

Crazy how blogging about something can make you feel so much better about it! 


Are any of my readers military girlfriends or wives that have dealt with the same experience?