You won't find love in someone's pants.

While it may seem silly, and you might be saying, "Hayley, I'm not stupid I know I won't find love in some persons pants." But secretly you think that you might. Just admit it. Virtually all sexually active women (maybe men also) like to hope to at least some degree that they will actually fall in love with someone they are hooking up with. Knowing that this is wrong isn't anything new to you. But I'm going to give you a new take on why it won't work, other than sex is immoral.

So we're all clear on the fact that sex doesn't equal love, right? If you're not, feel free to refresh yourself on the topic here. Now that we've gotten that all sorted out let's talk about why you can't possibly find love that way but why it's also not necessarily a bad thing.

On second thought, let's check in their pants...

What are your intentions? If you're just looking for a good time there is nothing wrong with casual sex or hooking up outside of a relationship. But if you are looking for a significant other or to fall in love, even secretly deep down inside, just don't do it. You won't find love.

The problem isn't so much that you're cheapening yourself or that you've become dirty somehow by having sex, but rather that you've already put it out there that a relationship is not what you want and they have too.

Even saying the whole, "I never do this!" line won't help you prove that you want a relationship. By having sex or engaging in sexual acts with them you made them think that you are on the same page of not wanting anything more. It's not because they're a douche (though they definitely can be!) it's the fact that you mislead them about what you were looking for.

You also get back, what you give out. When you make yourself seem like an easy, fun time that's all that you will get back in return. There is nothing more annoying than a girl that gets upset when a guy doesn't actually like her AFTER she's already had sex with him. Of course he doesn't want you to be his girlfriend! You didn't act like girlfriend material!! And frankly, you don't want that guy to be your boyfriend either if that's the way he was acting.

This isn't to say that you can't have sex for fun. You totally can, just don't expect them to want anything serious with you afterwards. Just don't have sex (at least at first) with people that you may want a relationship with in the future.

The moral of the story is that there is nothing wrong with sex, just make sure that you put out the same vibes that you are wanting to get back.



As always, stay classy
Hayley

Act Like a Man

I'm sure we are all familiar with the old adage, think like a man, act like a lady. But in today's college culture more and more women are changing it to act like a man. We justify our actions by saying we're just doing what all men do to us. There is just one little issue with this life philosophy.

Men don't necessarily do what women think they are doing. 

I will give you a minute to be shocked and let this soak in. Think about what your knowledge of college or any men is (if you are a male this won't really pertain to you). You probably envision a sweet talking, player that's goal is to get in as many girls pants as possible. While this may not be every guy I bet someone came into your head.

Going off this idea that men treat women like things to be conquered, it's easy for a female to justify sleeping around or treating men like objects. We're just doing what guys do right? That makes it ok. I think in a lot of women's heads they believe that they can never be worse than the guys, they're just keeping up and surviving.

The problem with this equation is that we over exaggerate how big of players men are. Take for instance a guy at my school that myself and a lot of the female population believe to be a "man-whore." Being the expert at creating awkward situations that I am, I point blank asked if this was true. He denied up an down that he had been whoring around the school. At first I was skeptical but after a good 45 minutes of interrogating him and his roommates I believed him.

In fact I can think of several other females on this campus that have significantly worse track records than he does. If the most notorious guy on campus really isn't that bad, then what does that mean for us girls?

We do things because we think other people are doing them also and it justifies our actions. But all this seems to have lead to is girls with higher numbers and lower self-esteem.

Maybe it's time we start basing our relationship/sexual choices on what we want not what we think other people are doing or what guys are doing. If you find someone you genuinely care about and who genuinely cares about you, how could you go wrong? Well probably a lot of ways but we'll save that for another day!

As always, stay classy
XOXO

Hayley

It's Raining Men

Why is it that as you soon as you've decided to stop looking and give up on boys that they suddenly start a feeding frenzy? At our loneliest most single moments boys don't even notice that you exist. But when you have a guy on your mind that is actually interested in you, suddenly you become the most amazing girl in the world.

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I feel like content-ness with your current situation is like blood in the water to boys. They smell it on you and they want a piece of it.

For instance, a boy that I liked very much about 3 or 4 months ago is now wanting to hang out with me! 3 or 4 months ago I would have been absolutely ecstatic to hang out with this boy. But now as he tells me I need to come to his room because he's already in bed naked, (YES, he actually said that) I am debating whether or not I want to be that girl.

Honestly I feel like if you didn't want me then, then why the hell should I want you now? I'm still the same girl I was but I don't want to be anyones seconds, thirds, fourths, or whatever I would be.

It must be this newfound confidence that has become the powerful trigger to attract all these men to me.  But as I would encourage ever girl that's single out there to do: Don't be with someone that won't care about you in all times, the good and the bad.

You need to have respect for yourself first if you want any guy to respect you. And I truly doubt that boy anixously awaiting my arrive in the nude has zero respect for me. Which is why I politely declined and laughed my head off with my roommates about it.

Love yourself first girls!


As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO


Classy

A Generation Without Love

We live in a generation of not being in love and not being together. 

-Drake 

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I think that our generation is underestimated. They make us out to be that  all we care about is sex and emotion free hook-ups. I will admit we put up quite a good front. Our music, our shows, our styles, our behaviors all make us seem as though we have risen above the need for feelings.

I think that the love, the feeling, the emotions are all still there they are just more easily disguised than before. Or maybe it's the fact that nothing is disguised anymore. Sexuality is a common theme in nearly everything for our generation but just because we own up to our human desires doesn't mean we've lost the most basic of ones. 

We are the generation that can disconnect ourselves from our emotions. We can have sex without a second thought about the consequences but bury the emotions deep inside.

Who can blame us for making our skin thick though? We continually watch relationships crumble, with divorce rates through the roof many of us have had front row seats. If love doesn't last then why would we ever want to believe in it or share it with someone else. 

People that have been hurt before tend to keep their guard up. That's exactly what our generation does. We keep our guard up about love because we know how bad it can hurt and how often it does. We live in fear of actually believing in something only to watch it fall apart. 

In the end it's not the love that is gone for us. It is the trust in that love that has really disappeared. We can't believe in what we feel because what we feel is fleeting and only lasts a moment. 

This brings to mind a line from How I Met Your Mother, Ted says, "The beauty in the moment is that it is fleeting."

I guess the lesson learned here is that we are a generation of the vulnerable people of scared to admit we are in love  because we are scared it won't last. But when we don't allow ourselves to be in love we miss out on so much more than we ever know. So my call to you is to turn us from a generation of "not being in love and not being together" to being a generation that loves without regret and finds a way to make it last. 

As Always, Stay Classy

XOXO

Classy 

Sex= Love, Right?

I remember distinctly when my parents had the birds and the bees talk with my sister and I. I was 9 years old and my best friends 16 year old sister just had a baby, but she wasn't married. This was radical to me so my parents were forced to explain.

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What bothered me the most out of the whole conversation was that they wouldn't call it sex, they kept referring to IT (because the word it clearly implies sex) as making love. An expression that still irks me to this day. I believe that the expression making love is where the trouble all begins.

 It could be called making my self-esteem higher, making my ex-boyfriend jealous, making my relationship work, or making use of my time, but in many circumstances definitely not making any thing even close to love.

But as women all we really want is to be loved. If we aren't finding any then why the hell not make your own!

I was recently having a conversation with a guy who told me that he is straight up about his intentions when having sex. He isn't going to become your boyfriend because you slept together. Heck he says he won't even stay till morning. The strange thing is that even though he tells women this they still have hurt feelings when he doesn't call or the relationship doesn't go anywhere.

Why do we still engage in sex with expectations we KNOW won't be met? Is it because we think having our hopes and dreams crushed is fun? Definitely not! So then why? Why do we continually set ourselves up for heart ache? Because we just want to be loved by someone, anyone!

Let me let you in on a little secret, sex in fact does not indicate any type of love. Sex can be a part of love but love is never sex. Meaningless sex won't fill the hole you feel in your heart and the sooner we accept that the less broken hearts there will be. If emotionless sex is what you like then by all means go for it! But if not find someone that loves you to have sex with.



As always, keep it classy!

XOXO Hayley

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What Girls Want: Revealed

The great mystery of life what women want from men. The truth is that women don’t have the first clue what they want. We pick guys that put us down and treat us like jerks because sometimes we feel like we don’t deserve any better. 

Nice guys finish last, that’s the saying isn’t it. Well nice guys just have to know how to be good guys but in the right way. It’s complicated I know!

First off, don’t be to nice. Like if I say oh I really love those girls shoes don’t go out and buy them for me. That’s just creepy unless we’re dating. We don’t want someone that’s a push over so don’t try to just agree and do everything we ask, put up a fight it makes more excitement. 

Secondly, don’t be a jerk. It’s okay to joke around and be silly but overall we want you to respect us. If you’re talking to a girl you don’t think you can respect then maybe you shouldn’t be talking to her…. 

Third, we analyze everything so don’t send us the mixed signals. Yes flirty playfulness is sweet but playing games is not. Don’t lead us on if you have no real intentions of dating us. That’s just cruel.

Fourth, be straight about what it is that you’re looking for. Most girls, at least that I know just want to know what you’re looking for. If all you want is someone to hook up with that’s ok, maybe that’s what she wants too. But if it’s not you’re just going to really end up hurting her. But that can also go the other way. If you are looking for a long term relationship make that clear because she may not be ready or wanting that.

Most of all what girls want is to be treated like they are important. We want you to want us and to care about us and what we have to say. Actually listening to a girl and and really being concerned about her feelings and thoughts is the sexiest thing you can do. 

Hopefully this helps clear some things up for you boys and girls if you have anything to add be sure to let me know!

As Always, Keep it Classy

XOXO

Classy