Are we making ourselves lonely?

How well do you really know your friends or significant others? You probably spend a lot of time with them and talk about a huge range of topics. But does that mean you really know them?

When I was in Argentina I spent every day with the same few people. By default of not being able to distract ourselves with cell phones or really talk to anyone else, we spent a lot of time talking about everything. After three months, I felt safe in saying that I knew them all pretty well. But then one evening it somehow came up that one person's sibling had a brain tumor and other's parent had terminal cancer. I was blown away by the fact that I knew nothing at all about these people, not really. 

It's so easy to live our lives pretending to go deep and pretending to really share ourselves with others when we actually do it so rarely. I know that I personally am guilty of doing the tell you enough unimportant information that you feel like you know me, when I've really told you nothing at all. 

Our deepest conversations so often focus on our past struggles or on the silly surface level details rather than our current challenges. We fake real connections then wonder why we feel so lonely and isolated. 

I'm not suggesting that we start off all our relationships and conversations with heavy, difficult topics, but rather that we make it a point to share those at some point in time. 

I think what makes my relationship so strong with my closest friends (aka my girls) is not that I know what each of them does every day or what each of their favorite colors are, it is that I know what scares them and what motivates them and what makes them uniquely them. The other stuff is great to know, but the fact that one of my friends loves rice and the other is obsessed with Kristin Wiig does little to let me know who they really are. 

So often, we try to guard ourselves against getting hurt, when really we end up hurting ourselves much more by not creating real connections with the people around us. I challenge you to make your relationships with people more intentional whether, platonic, romantic, familial, or otherwise. 

Sometimes you are going to get hurt or rejected, but sometimes you are also going to create deeper, more meaningful relationships with people. I don't know about you, but I think that makes the risk worth it.  

Fair Well Argentina

In just a few hours I get on a plane to leave for home. I'm feeling such mixed emotions I don't even know what to say. It's that bittersweet feeling of being happy to go home but know that you're leaving the place that has become a home. In a rare moment that I don't have words to express what I'm feeling I've decided to just put pictures of my favorite memories. Disfruta (enjoy). 

Making music videos with these girls.

Finding this girl again after 10 years.

Getting shushed in a museum

Hiking in the Andes

Hanging out with tigers

The countless selfies JJ took on everyone's phones.

Swimming in the ocean when it was 50 degrees out.

The multiple attempts to break in at Recoleta

The fear is real.

Seeing this in real life!

Exploring!!

Feeding a baby tiger.

Everything about this night. Oh Mendoza.

Family dinners, even by flashlight

So many things happened on this trip and we all changed so much. It's clique but studying abroad taught me so much about myself. I'll never forget you Argentina! Now just wish me luck that my flight all goes well this time!

Besos,

Hayley

We took care of the body.

Just in time for halloween one of the strangest and creepiest things I've done to date happened with my host family in Entre Rios. It involved opening a real coffin, dealing with a skeleton, and black trash bags. Believe me, it's just a strange as it sounds!

For the background of the story, we were spending the weekend at my host grandma's casa in Concepcion del Uruguay, Entre Rios. This house has been in the family for a very, very long time and they've had the same neighbors for all of that time also. About 3 months ago the man who lived in the neighboring house passed away. Instead of burying people in the ground like we do it the states, they put the caskets in wall crypts and they also don't embalm the body so you can sometimes smell them decomposing which is disgusting! The man's daughter, who now owns the house lives in the US currently and asked my host family if they could do a big favor.

Because Bob Ross

Like I said, they are buried in wall crypts that must be paid for, like rent, to keep your family member there. The daughter didn't want to have to pay for 2 crypts when she could just combine them into one location so she asked us to go and move her grandmother's body into the same crypt as her dad. I ASSUMED that meant that we would need to move to coffin to a new area, but then we had to stop to pick up black trash bags and I got a little worried...

We went to the cemetery and got some of the employees to open up the mother's crypt. The brought along a shove and a broom which made me even more worried than I originally was. The pulled the coffin out and laid in on the ground then pried it open with the shovel rather ungracefully. With no gloves they reached in and began pulling out the bones and shoving them into a black trash bag. I saw the skull and a foot that hadn't decomposed for some reason. It was a train wreck you couldn't look away from. I should also note that my family was a freaked out as I was this whole time.

After they picked through the decomposed remains of the fabric and wood they decided they had gotten all of the body and wiped their brows (EWWWWW) and knotted up the bag. They then opened the son's crypt and shoved the bag in beside the coffin, thank god they didn't open his!

It was just so disrespectful and gross and weird. That's also why I have no pictures, I didn't want to add to the disrespect we were already doing this woman. Her name was Argentina, which I found kind of funny and she died in 1958. Hopefully she doesn't come back to haunt us.

After that we were all kind of in shock as to what we had just saw and went to visit the grave of my host mom's father and some other relatives. As we were doing this we saw the three men pushing past a cart with the remains of the coffin on it. A piece of the once white but now brown and gross fabric flew off onto the path.

It was the most bizarre experience I've ever had in my whole life. My host family told me that, that is NOT a common thing and it was extremely freaky to them also but at least I have an awesome story now!

It's one of those things that just makes me say, only in Argentina!!

Happy Halloween!!! Celebrate extra hard for me since Argentina is silly and doesn't celebrate the best holiday of the year.


Besos,
Hayley

Feeling the Homesickness

Today marks the 6th week since I've left home, crazy to think that I've been here for a month and a half already. This realization is finding me with mixed emotions about how I feel about the rest of my 2.5 months I have left. As a general rule, I've always wanted to be very honest in writing about my experiences so I'll just put it out there. I could go home right now and that would be okay. I could pack my bags and say chau to Argentina with minimal regret.

But the thing is, I can't. I'm here for better or for worst till November. The reason I'm feeling so homesick I think has nothing to do with Argentina being bad. I really do enjoy it here and I love all the people I've met. Argentina is a seriously interesting country, both historically and culturally. The thing is that I just really miss my family, a lot.

Charley and I look like twins!

I think it's really hard for anyone else to understand the kind of bond we all have, especially with Aubrey and Charley. All of the other students here miss their families too, I'm sure. But for me their more than just my family, they're my very best friends. I need my relationship and connection with them like I need oxygen to breathe. So not only am I separated from my brother and sisters, but from my closest friends.

I'm almost positive that what's brought all of this on is that, Aubrey had her ultrasound and found out she's having a baby girl!!! (Super excited about that.) This is one of those life events that I feel like I should be there for. My best friend is pregnant and I'm missing it! Luckily I'll be back home in plenty of time for the baby to get their (thank God!).

She did a great job of hiding her belly in this!

I guess part of my problem is also that I spent so much time the past couple of years wanting to escape and go somewhere exciting and new. But what I've found is that I love home so much more than I knew. I love Missouri and cows and squirrels and the fact that I know most everyone. I love that people understand me and that home is only a short drive away. I spent so much time wanting to be somewhere else, that I didn't appreciate where I was.

Traveling is always talked about as one great big, incredible adventure, which it is, don't get me wrong. But, on the other hand, no amount of beautiful sights can replace how wonderful it is to see my whole family standing around the kitchen talking too loudly. I think I thought that I was going to be the kind of person that would want to live abroad for years, returning home occasionally for holidays and visits. But I don't think I want to do that. I don't want to miss out on my niece growing up and my brother starting college and Emy's wonderful moments.

I do want to travel. I want to see the world and even more places. But I want to do it with people that I love and with a home in sight. So what if I'm not as adventurous and crazy as I thought, I have something better, people that I can love.

One of the girls here gave me some really great advice about homesickness that I think really applies right now. She told me that no matter where you go and what you do, home will always be the same. The world may change, but your family will always be there when you get back. That's really what's going to get me through this, that my family is going to be there when I get back!

So now that I've had my moment of moping I'm going to go back to having an amazing time here!


Besos,
Hayley

How leaving the country brought me closer to my family.

When I first decided to come to Argentina for four months one of the most common responses I got from people was about running away from my family. Granted most of the people that said that didn't know me well enough to know that I'm extremely close and have a wonderful relationship with my family. I talk to my brother and sister nearly every day. Even when I was living in Kansas City it was sometimes hard to be away from them.

My adorable family, minus Aub.

What I didn't think about really though, was how studying abroad would affect my relationship with the rest of my family, extended not immediate. To be completely honest, I didn't give it much thought. I love all of my family on both sides and truly wish I could see them more. But because I don't see them that frequently to begin with, leaving the country for four months didn't seem like it would be that big of a deal to them.

My very best friend in the whole world. I love you Aub!!

To my pleasant surprise, I think studying abroad has brought me so much closer to all of them. The biggest change is that they know what's going on in my life. Before to find out what was happening to me on a day to day basis they could call or email but that's difficult to do with 20+ people consistently. I guess they could check my Facebook, but I don't post that frequently, and rarely disclose personal details about what's going on in my life. 

But through blogging, I've been able to connect with my family and friends on a daily basis. It's almost as though I'm giving them an insight into my diary. They get to read and experience with me my good days and my bad and know what it's like to walk in my international student shoes. 

Also, since deciding to go on this trip I've been receiving an outpouring of love from so many different people. I received a wonderful message from my Grandparents telling me to push through the difficulties of being abroad. My Uncle told me that reading my blog was like getting a daily newsfeed of my life. Even my Professor's from home have given me their support after reading this blog. It's really just an incredible feeling to have so much support from so many different people. 

Being literally 5,000 miles from home can make you feel lonely at times. But writing about my experiences and receiving feedback from them has made all the difference in the world! Honestly, I wish I started doing a personal blog like this year ago. I have never felt more connected to my family than I do now. 

So I guess I just want to thank you for all your love and encouragement and for reading! I can't explain what an impact it's made on me. And, of course, I love you all very much!

What it's like living with a host family

First off I should say that this is only an account of my experience with my host family, which I imagine will be a little different for each person depending on them and the family. But there are some general benefits of living with any host family while abroad, which is why I think it's a terrific choice!

Even though I have only been with my family for less than a week I already feel as though I've known them and been with them a lifetime. They are seriously the most incredible people I've ever met. But I mean to be willing to let a stranger that may or may not even speak your language into your home to stay for four months is pretty brave and kind to begin with.

My host sisters Sofy and Paloma and I!

My family is my host Mom, who is the next best thing to having my real mom here with me (I wish she was!!!), Pamela and host Dad Osvaldo, who loves Candy Crush. Their daughters are Sofy (12) and Paloma (8). They are the kind of family you would see on a commercial as the perfect happy family. And all that love they have for each other just radiates on to whoever is around them.

At first the girls were shy but they've definitely warmed up to me. Even though they only speak Spanish I'm learning words by pointing at pictures and objects enough to talk with them. Plus we can bond over things like cute boys on TV and their love for One Direction (they LOVE 1D). I also showed them some 90s Backstreet Boys and they didn't quite think Nick Carter was as lindo as I did.

We got silly pretty fast

I really like that I feel comfortable enough with my family to just hang out with them for the evening rather than feeling like I need to go do something every night. But at the same time I am welcome to leave and do whatever I want, as long as I'm home for dinner.

Dinner is a big deal in Latin culture even though in Argentina it's almost always at 9PM or later. It's the time that all of us students stop what we are doing and head home to sit down with our families and share a meal. At my house, English is allowed at the dinner table, but because only my Madre speaks English it makes much more sense for me to try and say as much in Spanish as possible. After we've eaten we sit and talk for a while till we feel up for dessert, which usually involves Dulce de Leche or ice cream. Last night it was these fantastic thin pancakes covered with Dulce de Leche and sugar. I may just get diabetes while I'm here from all the sugar.

One of the greatest benefits of having a host family is not only that I get to have a family here, but also that you are forced to speak Spanish. And more Spanish than just, I want a coffee and thank you. Because you're living with them you want to be able to communicate with them that much more. I think it inspires a greater passion for speaking the language when you are surrounded by people daily, that you have difficulty communicating with. I know the girls have already helped me a ton.

A family also gives you the opportunity to experience life here the way they do. You eat food they would typically eat and you listen to their music and learn to shop at their grocery store, etc. It gives you an insider's perspective that would be impossible to get otherwise.

Even though living with strangers for four months sounds like a scary prospect at first, it's incredible. It's so rewarding and challenging and hilarious, all at the same time. I couldn't be happier living with anyone else while I'm here. So if you ever going abroad and have the option of living with a family, do it! And choose ones with kids because they will teach you more than anyone!

Happy World Down Syndrome Day!

In case you didn't know today is World Down Syndrome Day, yay!! The reasoning behind choosing March 21st is that it is honoring the 21st chromosome that causes down syndrome. This day is especially close to my heart because my big sister Emy Jo has down syndrome.

Being goofy, as usual!

Warning: I'm about to get really mushy gushy on you but you should enjoy it!

On occasion when I say that I have a sister with down syndrome people apologize and tell me how sorry they are, which honestly just makes me laugh. Sorry? Why on earth should you be sorry it is easily one of the best blessing I've ever been given in my life.

Emy has contributed enormously to shaping the person that I am and the dynamics of my whole family.   Among the great things she has taught me such as being patient (you need A LOT of patience with her), being responsible, being aware of how amazing my parents truly are, she has shown us how to live a life of perpetual innocence.

Emy's favorite person Jale.

She has been blessed with the ability to never see anything wrong in the world. Emy has never meant a bad person and she doesn't really understand that anyone can be a bad person. How amazing must it be to not judge anyone or have any ability to be jaded from the cruelty of the world. Emy loves everyone equally and whole heartedly and I think she has taught us how to do the same.

But, Emy wouldn't be the amazing person she is without my incredible parents. Honestly, and I'm not just saying this, my parents are the most generous, wonderful people in the whole world. They do so much and sacrifice so much for all of us. They couldn't have done a better job with Emy or the rest of us.

Okay, I'm done being all mushy now but truly I wouldn't be the person I am without Emy and I wouldn't even want to imagine what life would have been like without her. So have a great day and remember to never take for granted the blessing you are given no matter how they are packaged.

So I will leave you with the worlds cutest picture ever.


As always, stay classy
XOXO

Hayley Kiah

Baby brother

Surviving the Holidays Single

For those that are newly single or just facing yet another Christmas/New Years with no one it's not always easy to cope with being alone. Sometimes this leads us to make stupid decisions like not leaving bed for days or dating a crappy guy out of desperation. While I can't magically help you find the love of  your life I guarantee you won't find him at the bottom of a tub of Ben and Jerry's.

Last Christmas break I spent the majority of time in bed surrounded by cats no joke. It was on the fourth day that I hadn't left my room and I was covered in cats, crying because the wedding dress I loved was being discontinued that my parents and sister intervened. They told me that I had to shower because it was sad and just plain gross. My incentive was ice cream. That was definitely a low point I never plan on reaching again so here are my helpful tips to stop you for doing what I did.

#1 Stay busy!

I know that the nice part about break is that you get to relax and maybe sleep in a bit. The only problem is that you can't let sleep be the only thing on your schedule. Try to set a time you have to wake up and things to do so you don't end up in bed till mid-afternoon everyday. Some ideas would be visiting old friends to catch up, going to make new friends, or even just going out to window shop. Anything is better than nothing!

My bed was covered in cats!

#2 Create a support system.

Even if you are away from your best friends over break make sure that you have check in times with them. If you start feeling really blue make sure you have someone that you can call to vent to that will cheer you up.

#3 Dress your best.

I've realized for myself that how I look affects how I feel. If everyday I don't get dressed or put in my contacts or fix my hair I start to feel as sloppy as I look. This isn't to say that you have to be dressed to the nines every time you go to Walmart but at least put on some real pants for heavens sakes.

This was my outfit for most of break.

#4 Don't let relatives get you down.

We all have that aunt or grandma that questions why you are still single which is an instant mood killer. You can't prevent them from asking prying questions, like when my Grandma asked me if I was "into the boy thing right now are not." But we can control how we react to those questions. So instead of getting upset tell the about something else positive and great going on in your life.
Ex. Well I don't have a man in my life but I just got promoted at my job!

#5 Keep things in perspective.

While sometimes you may feel like the only single person left in the world you have to keep in mind that despite what Facebook may tell you, you're not. Chances are you're probably to young and amazing to be worrying about spinsterhood right now. So instead of focusing on how depressing your love life is, work to make you the best you can be.

And remember you have to love yourself before anyone can even have a chance at loving you so use the holiday season for self-improvement rather than self-loathing. Happy holidays!



As Always, Stay Classy
XOXO

Hayley Kiah

My Wonderful Weekend

It seemed like this weekend went by soooo quickly. Because of President's Day I didn't have school today so I got to spend Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday with my family. I had such a great time with them I hate having to leave.

The best part about family is that you don't really have to be doing anything to have fun.

Here's a little recap for you all!!

Saturday: Sister and I went shopping and bought new make up at Sephora. When we got home Aub dolled up Emy, our older sister with the new make up we got.

Here she is with her make up finished. She was so excited. 

Her is Emy with her baby sisters!

And here is Aubrey and I with our matching VS shirts. 

Overall it was a successful trip home. I wish I could have spent more time with my little brother but I am thankful for all the fun I got to have with my sisters. I love them more than anything.

Hope your weekend was as awesome as mine!!

As Always, Stay Classy

XOXO

Hayley

Dear 14 Year Old Self

Dear 14 year old Me,

You're not going to want to hear this, but you don't have it all figured out. The things that you think mean the whole world, like getting your first kiss, falling in love, getting that boy to like you, they aren't that important so don't sweat it.

You are going to have your heart broken when that boy you really liked tells you he doesn't feel the same way at the track meet. But you should be so proud that you didn't cry because he will gain about 50 lbs. and stay in your hometown.

My "boyfriend" when I was 14.

You will think that your first kiss is the most important thing in the world and that it is all you care about getting. Believe me, it won't be that great. In fact it will be absolutely terrible! But don't worry there will be many more kisses to come with boys you really care about.

You may think that you aren't popular or cool because you don't want to party. Those people will end up dropping out of college and staying at home. You are so much better than them.

My baby sister and I

In the years to come you'll go against your gut and make decisions you will regret. But just remember that the most important thing you have is your family and you should never let anyone or any boy come in between your relationship with them.

Most of all remember that even when it seems like the world is over, your life is just beginning.


Love,
20 year old You