Doing What YOU Want

I recently had a bit of a life crisis. I turned 21 (YESSS! A post with some interesting pictures later...) and I realized that I was scared to death of my future that's ahead of me. When I move back to Kansas City this August I won't ever be moving back to my hometown probably ever again. I'm also going to be a junior in college so I need to figure out if the major I have chosen is what I really want AND I have been gaining weight (ugh).

So pretty much I had a minor melt down in the office of the pool with my dad who is the best father in the world by the way. He told me that I need to really think about and do what makes me happy and not worry about anything else. 

What really truly and sincerely makes me happy is when I'm teaching swim lessons. I teach about 6 or 7 different kids everyday so I'm super busy but there is no better moment than when a kid you've been working with for years FINALLY swims. I usually cry even though I realize that's ridiculously cheesy and girly. 

But I think working with kids and making them feel like they are important and special is what really makes me happy. My current major is public relations so I'm starting to wonder if that's really what I should be doing. 

I know you all are probably screaming at your screen be a damn teacher duh. Both my parents were Special Ed. teachers and I've always thought I don't want to be like my parents I want to actually make money, blah blah blah. But my parents are actually happy. I mean my father is a 47 year old man that teaches and does swim lessons for a living but he loves it. 

I'm not sure if I'm changing my major yet or if I'll just quit school and become a beach lifeguard for the rest of my life (not really but I wish) or if I'll keep my major and find something to do with it that will make me happy. We'll see. 

But I guess my point is that you shouldn't let what you think you should do tie you down. You shouldn't think that you have to have this big shot career and make a lot of money to be happy. Make your choices based off your passions and you'll figure out how to take care of everything else along the way. 

Break-Up Without the Heart Break

So I'm back to square one again. Turns out it just wasn't meant to be with Mr. Perfect. The timing of our lives was completely horrific for a really serious relationship to happen. Him leaving for the air force so soon means that we don't really have time to actually build the kind of foundation that a relationship needs to last the military experience so remaining close friends seems to suite our situation better.

But as that fleeting moment of bliss passes I find my mind wandering back to the Frat Boy again. If you don't remember him he was the guy I had a brief fling with last school year that wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. Grated we did know he would be gone for literally the entire summer so maybe it was wise not to really start something just yet.

He's part of a prestigious (or so he tells me!) traveling band corps that performs all around the country. But in no time at all we will both be finding ourselves back in Kansas City and single. I don't know what I'm really wanting or expecting to happen.

Not him but what he does!

I mean if he wasn't willing to commit before will that change now? I'm not sure if that was an easy way out of trying to not hurt my feelings or if it was the honest truth. During some of our numerous late night conversations about just about everything I began to get the feeling that maybe he was being truthful. That he is scared to commit because he may get left.... again.

People's backgrounds and histories can define a lot about them and getting to know that a little better now I could understand how that could be scary for him to actually trust someone.

I'm not sure. Maybe he's just being a jerk and really has zero intentions of ever wanting to date me at all but I guess we will just have to wait for the school year to find out. And if so there are plenty of jerks in the sea.... oh wait I mean fish, right?

The bright side to both of these developments in my life if that regardless of what happens romantically I have two close friends that I've gotten to share a lot with and that I genuinely love and care about as friends.

I think myself and my now ex-boyfriend should win some sort of award for best break up ever! I'm getting really talented at these by the way!!

Oh and even though things didn't work out I can still keep myself perfectly entertained without a man in my life and I'm starting to think I may not be done with being single just yet. I rather enjoy flirting and fantasizing about the hot waiter asking me out.